Out Of The Bloo

Day 23 - Saturday 11th August 2007 – Matamata

2007-08-17T09:01:00.000Z

Farmer Ben

Morning Feed

Lamb Wrestling

Where's my Mum?

There she is!

New Born lamb

Sheep

Cows

Next door neighbours Highland!

Ben & Gollum

Day 20 - Wednesday 8th August 2007 – Turangi to Matamata

2007-08-17T08:58:00.000Z

Huka Falls

Lake Taupo

Wai o Tapu Thermal Wonderland

Bubbling Mud

Agrodome

Feeding the Lambs

Haircut!

Day 17 – Sunday 5th August 2007 – Wellington

2007-08-17T08:54:00.000Z

Giraffe

Hungry Giraffes

Feeding the Giraffes

Meer Kats

Otters

Chimps

Monkey

Zebra

Dinner Time

Tiger

Malay Bear

Ostrich

Lizard

Playtime

Day 14 - Thursday 2nd August 2007 – Blenheim to Christchurch

2007-08-17T08:52:00.000Z

Seals and Birds in the wild

New Zealand Traffic Jam

Day 11 - Monday 30th July 2007 – Franz Josef Glacier to Punakaiki

2007-08-17T08:51:00.000Z

Pancake Rocks

Day 10 - Sunday 29th July 2007 – Franz Josef Glacier

2007-08-17T08:49:00.000Z

Fox Glacier

Some Colourful things.

Lake Matheson

Day 9 - Saturday 28th July 2007 – Wanaka to Franz Josef Glacier

2007-08-17T08:47:00.000Z

View back across Lake Wanaka to Wanaka

Haast Pass

Day 8 - Friday 27th July 2007 – Wanaka

2007-08-17T08:42:00.000Z

Adrenalin Day in Queenstown

Up the Chairlift

Down the Luge

View from the Top

Shotover Jet - Me and Ben back left in the boat.

Kawarau Bungy

How to do it

Day 7 - Thursday 26th July 2007 – Wanaka

2007-08-17T08:40:00.000Z

The Leaning Tower of Wanaka

Sunrise in Wanaka

Morning view accross Lake Wanaka to Mount Aspiring

The Road down from the Snow Farm

View from the Crown Range down to Queenstown

Day 6 - Wednesday 25th July 2007 – Timaru to Wanaka

2007-08-17T08:38:00.000Z

View Across Lake Pukaki

A Little further down the road

Pics from Bloobuoy's 2007 tour to New Zealand.

2007-08-17T08:35:00.000Z

Day 4 - Monday 23rd July 2007 - Christhurch

Trip to see the Fairy Penguins at the Antartic Centre.

Dinner!

2006-12-11T14:36:00.000Z

I've finally passed my AAT so can now officially put the letters MAAT after my name making me a Member of the Association of Accounting Technician. Just so pleased to finally get it out of the way.

I took my Assessment for my UEFA B Coaching License. I was deemed not competetant. To be honest I can understand thier reasons for failing me, but if they judged everyone by the same standards then no one would have got through. As time goes by the bitter taste in my mouth gets harder to get rid of.

To give you some background I'm doing this course with the ARMY FA. The Football Development Officer for the ARMY FA is ex Navy and the Assessor is RAF. At the beginning of the course we were told that nationally the pass rate at UEFA B Level is 23%, but the ARMY FA have a success rate of 50%. 23 of us went to assessment and strangly 12 passed and 11 failed, but stranger than that all the RAF and Navy guys passed. All the Civvies and Army lads failed apart from 1 who happens to be a Lt Col sitting on the ARMY FA Board. That smells a bit!

46 sessions over 3 days for the assessor to assess is a big ask so they got in a local fella to help. This man is well known to me as he visits Fleet Town quite regularly. I know he is not a UEFA B Assessor and yet he observed my second session after the actual Assessor assessed my first session. After my First session my Assessor gave me some feed back that I took on the chin and realized I had to get into my second session which I duly did. My 2nd second was much better, but the assessor didn't see that!!!

In my debrief at the end the Assessor told me that I was a bit quiet in my first session, but having said that my players performance did improve as they did what I asked them to do. Isn't that what coaching is all about? Seems a strange reason to fail someone. The FDO and course leader basically told me that because he didn't know me or where I was working that he couldn't award me the badge. Hmm! Shouldn't you get awarded the badge on your merits as a coach. All seems a bit backward to me!

Of course it turns out that I work with U18's hoping to go to daily training next season. I also work with Andy Sinton and an A License Coach. It turns out that they've now awarded badges to a load of coaches who work with U12's. That's not really the level you need to be working at if you have a B License!

Anywho. I know that I haven't been coaching for long enough. I'm doing it all a bit backwards really. I know that I have the ability to pass my badge. I'm going to sit back over the XMas period and get my portfolio up to scratch. When the wet weather goes I'll get an Assessor to come out and assess me at the club. I'll get through it. Having done the assessment I feel far more confident about my abilities (sounds a bit strange). At the moment I'm honing my skills with the youth team and also I've started coaching some of the Colts teams on Saturday mornings and getting paid £20 a session!

In other news Subway has come to Fleet. It opened a few weeks ago on a Wednesday and was offering free subs, drinks and cookies all day. Most of my Youth Team spent all day up there. We had a game in the evening so you can imagine how they played. We drew 4-4 with lowly Westfield.

I was in Subway the other day. The Sandwich Maker asked the customer whether he wanted a 6inch or foot long subway! The customer replied "What's the difference?"

2006-09-22T14:38:00.000Z

Bloobuoy tours are back in Business. Booked the flights last night.

20th July - Heathrow to Christchurch
12th August - Auckland to Heathrow

Me, Nicky, Ben, Mr and Mrs Bloo

2006-09-04T13:49:00.000Z

I survived my 9 days in the sun. The course went very well. It all makes sense, just have to now put the theory into practise. I go back for my practical assesment in November so we'll see how that goes. I also have to complete a portfolio, carrying out match analysis, player profiling and deliving a training programme to improve performance. The UEFA B license is the level I'm working at. It makes sense that this is the way that I can effect my players the best.

The senior Ferrett season has started in encouraging fashion. Andy Sinton has signed some good players to supplement our young squad and this has been backed up by results. We were unbeaten in Pre Season including draws against AFC Wimbledon and Farnborough. The League Season has started with 3 wins and 1 loss after what looked like a tough schedule. We have also progressed into the 1st Qualifying Round of the FA Cup where we face a tough trip to Margate.

The young Ferrets have started equally well having endured a tough pre season. Preseason preparations were difficult coz all the little buggers went off on Holiday. We lost 6-0, 2-0 and 4-1 in preseason and endured a broken leg to our best player. However holidays ended and we drew our first league game and won our 2nd against local rivals Cove, who had beaten us 4-1 in preseason. We're a good TEAM this year, with plenty of energy and signs are good.

Some people may ask why I do this. I get no payment for my coaching, indeed it has cost me lots of money to go through my badges and all the equipment I've bought. I do it of course for the satifaction you get from affecting and improving players. I'll give you an example.

We have a new 16 year old striker. He has a powerful left foot and can sprint like the wind. He does struggle with stamina and had a poor first game for us, despite his ability. I heard from lots of people that they thought he was lazy. I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and thought that his lack of movement was down to lack of coaching, thus the player not knowing his job.

In the next training sessions we worked hard on him and his movement and effort.

The following morning I had a phone call from his Mum, saying that he didn't know she was calling, but that he came home from training a little despondant about what we were asking him to do. She was referring to asking him to get stuck in and hurt if necessary.

She filled me in on the back ground that he had been hospitalized twice last season with head injuries and had suffered badly after the loss of his Grandfather. Indeed he had even considered giving up football. That's the last thing I want, particularly in a player with potential.

I see my job as a coach to get this potential out of players, so I took it upon myself to have a quiet word in his shell before the game. I told him to make sure he's always on the move and not easy to mark and when he has the chance to unleash his pace. He was obviously embarassed that his Mum had spoken to me as he didn't want to appear a woose. Thats not how I see it.

He produced a fine display scoring a hat trick, striking the post with a 30 yard free kick and even got creamed on a couple of occasions.

The following day I got a text "Hi Stu i jst wanted to say fank u 4 wat u sed before the game n 4 bein so understandin bowt everythng, i rele appreciated it. c u at trainin. Lee"

My reply was "Soppy Sod!"

2006-07-16T21:50:00.000Z

Started my Level 3 (UEFA B License) Coaching qualification this weekend. Nine days in this heat is gonna be a nightmare considering I've already burnt myself. Initial impression is that it's gonna be hard going. It's nothing I don't know, but the depth of knowledge you need and then have to put over to the players you're coaching will make the assessment difficult. Only a third of the coaches who go to assessment actually pass first time. Added to this is a good deal of coursework that I need to do and the guinea pigs will be the Fleet Youth Team. It's going to be a good learning curve for me.

Today we were coached the Goalkeeping Module, by former Spurs legend Tony Parks. He currently works as one of the 2 Full Time England Assistant Goalkeeping Coaches, mainly with the England U16 to U20 squads. This is my first experience of working with someone with a Pro License and I have to say he knew his sh1t. It is a bit daunting watching someone, with Tony's expertise, putting on a session that we will be expected to do in the coming weeks.

In other news (football related still) I passed my Level 2 Treatment and Management of Injuries.

2006-05-28T21:42:00.000Z

Ok so I might have told a little porcupine. I am going to update the blog, very occassionally, but I make no apologies for the content. It will, of course, mainly be about me and mine with a slight hint of football.

So with the close season now upon us the Youth team had a great season. We finished 3rd in our league and Runners Up in the Hampshire Cup. More importantly the whole squad progressed and the signs are good for next season having only lost 5 regulars from our squad.

The first team season rather petered out disappointingly. Although our 14th place finish still represents our best ever return at this level. Next season the plan is for promotion to the Ryman Premier.

I've applied to take my Level 3 Coaching certificate. This time I'm doing it with the Army FA in Aldershot. Course starts July 15th. Need to improve my fitness before then.

Today I've just finished my Level 2 FA Treatment and Management of Injury. So that sets me up for becoming a Sports Therapist.

Fleet have asked me to look into setting up a PASE scheme (Programme of Academic and Sporting Excellence) at the club next season. Without going into too much detail it would basically mean a full time coaching role and the setting up of Football in the Community. Really it'll be as good as I can make it. All that means that next season should be my last running the clubhouse in which time I should become fully badged up.

Last weekend Nicky and I completed the Moon Walk.

You know the score 15000 women (and me) walking the streets of London, in the dead of night wearing bras. We did it in 4 hours 15 mins, so didn't get home until 5.30. The worst thing about that was that I had to go on a Sports Injury Course on the Sunday and had to be in Portsmouth for 9.30.

Only a couple of blisters to report, and some severly chaffed thighs. They were red raw and hurt like a bugger.

You can still donate to the cause by following this link. https://www.bmycharity.com/V2/bloobuoy

2006-04-24T18:48:00.000Z

I've taken the decision that this post will be my last!

This blog has more than served its purpose in documenting a period of great change in my life.

With that, Thank You and Good Night!

2006-03-24T18:54:00.000Z

I'm off on the Moon Walk again, although this time I shan't be having the chest waxed, it's taken all year to grow back.

May 20th is the date.

So expect more pics like this

and this

and don't forget to pledge your hard earned here all in aid of Breast Cancer

2006-03-17T19:31:00.000Z

I've been waiting for this moment for what seems like years, infact 2 years. Photobucket now hosts Videos. Here some from my travels.

Thats a fish in Kakadu

Sandboarding, Taken (badly), by my mate Vincent

Sunday Afternoon in the Tanners Garden! Shame I don't know how to turn it the right way up.

Before every sporting event they always sing the anthem

Jumping Crocs on the Adelaide River

How not to Sandboard

How to Sandboard

Bubbling Mud in NZ

Half Time in the Basketball, The game is secondary.

2006-03-09T13:53:00.000Z

All is well again for last night we slayed Walton Casuals 7-0 to help erase the memory of the cup final defeat and a rather lack lustre 3-2 win against the same opponents a couple of weeks ago.

A first half hat trick from young Lee Hamilton, a second half hat trick from Mike Unwin and a far post header from Rob Williamson were enough to seal the points.

We've had worse games.

4 games left of the season and hopes are high for a third place finish, possibly second.

2006-03-05T02:16:00.000Z

We lost 6-1 in the final, having taken the lead. To be fair we were taught a lesson by a very good side. There's no shame in losing to a good side, but it is a shame that we didn't do ourselves justice. Eastleigh are a good side, byt we let them be a good side by being ever so slightly off the pace. Eastleigh also managed to pull in a number of County and Reserve team players who've hardly played for the Youth Team this season. We felt it best to give our younger lads a go, after all they are the ones who got us to the final. Getting to the final was a great acheivement in itself. We told the lads before the game not to come off the pitch with any regrets about their performance. Unfortunately I think most of them will have. We'll stick this game in the lessons learnt file.

2006-02-27T22:15:00.000Z

As I alluded to in my previous post, I recently passed my level 2 FA Coaching badge. Having taken and passed level 1 back in January 2005 I pretty much immediately signed up for my level 2 with Hampshire FA. Level 1 is a relative doddle which is nigh on impossible to fail. Basically you have to show that you are competant in setting up and running a session from a set of standard drills. By the time of the assessment everyone knows the drills and therefore there is no need to have to coach anyone in how to carry out the drill. Don't get me wrong, I learnt an awful lot and the drills are well thought out to teach kids essential techniques in a fun enviroment.

Level 2 is a whole other ball park. It quickly became apparent that we were expected to coach everything and ensure that the people you were coaching had everything technically correct, right down to the angle of runs and the part of the foot you need to kick the ball with to carry out the techniques correctly. Most people can see when something is wrong, but we had to identify which key factor was incorrect, correct it, demonstrate it and then ensure it was corrected.

The training took part in July with a full 7 days working 9 till 5 everyday. Final assesment was in October and consisted of teaching a technique, mine was dribbling 1v1, on the Saturday and then a 6 v 6 Small sided game on the Sunday, mine was defending in the opponents half.

After the first few peoples assessments it was clear that a good number wouldn't pass. I was confident that despite my lack of coaching experience I could carry it off. My drills went precisely to plan exactly as I had been taught. I realized after my saturday session that I hadn't done enough technical coaching so made sure that I over coached on the Sunday. I influenced everyone. However my Assessor deemed that I was not competant although he'd liked both my sessions, but felt that I'd showed the first defender the wrong way. How gutting. I'd talked my sessions through with a number of people, including qualified coaches, but my Assessor deemed them all to be wrong.

Not to be out done I took it on the chin and signed up for the December Assessment with the same Assessor, Dean May an Army coach!! My topics this time were slightly different. Again my Saturday session didn't go as well as it could have and I came home with the distinct impression that the Assessor had it in for me and really questioned turning up the next day. I did as I had nothing to lose. The only cheering part was seeing the standard of the other peoples Small Sided Games. I knew I could do it better. I did. I was supreme. It went like a dream. Again I'd influenced every player. I could just relax and wait for the results at the end of the day.

When the end of day came they told everyone in groups. All the first group had failed, so we were quite confident that we'd all passed. Indeed we had, but I was particularly pleased to get picked out as the 'Special One'. He basically said that my session was exactly what was ordered. He advised everyone else that Level 2 was there limit but felt that I might be ready for the big step up to Level 3 after a couple of years. At last something I'm good at. Basically the advice is to get as much experience at Level 2 and see how it goes.

I'm now coaching the U14's and U5/6's when I can. The qualification entitles me to coach in professional academies so that may be something I'll look into once my AAT qualification is finally finished. The other avenue I was thinking of possibly exploring would be teaching, (PE) of course.

With the Youth Team I'm getting lots of practise and learning lots from the players and Manager, who himself is a former pro and currently studying his A License (Level 4).

The relative success of the Youth Team continues. We've recently the team lying in 3rd in the League (Hampton and Richmond) and a top 3 finish looks attainable. It's highly unlikely that we'll get to first or second as Woking and Walton and Hersham are flying (both higher up the pyramid than us). The player are all progressing nicely with a nice blend of younger and older youth players. The Older ones in their final years look good prospects in the main and should do well in the mens game.

The BIG news tho is that we've made it through to the final of the Hampshire Youth Cup. It's going to be played at Gosport, this Thurday 2nd March against Eastleigh. On the way to the final we've knocked out Basingstoke and more recently Salisbury in the Semi Final. Both side play in a better league than ours (in therory), as do Eastleigh, and those 2 wins have been particularly pleasing. The players from Basingstoke and Salisbury are on those PACE schemes which basically means they are full time students in football, so that makes it terribly pleasing.

The first team are going through a tricky period although still not bad. We lie 12th in the league and our points tally of 47 is our highest at this stage of the season at this level. We're also through to the semis of the Basingstoke Senior Cup. WOOOO!

The job at the football club has picked up over recent weeks. It's become a little easier. Nicky and I seem to have got into a good routine in the main. I now have someone who regularly works Friday and Saturday nights for me, but my weekends are still full of football, as they always have been. So the work / Live balance is coming along, although long term the Football Club isn't. It does serve a purpose for me and the club equally.

We've finally gone Wireless at home. It means I can take my laptop anywhere, and I mean anywhere. If you haven't got broadband, get it and if you haven't gone Wireless, go.

I've also signed up to do the Moon Walk again. Just because I'm going to be wearing a bra in public twice in 2 years doesn't mean I'm a transvestite. I've even convinced Nicky to join me. She's willing on the proviso that we train for it. Unlike what I did last year. However to date we've been out once in 2 months and that was just round the block.

I must just tell you about Valentines Night. Don't switch off, I promise it's not pornographic. The kids were away for Half Term so we took the opportunity to go out for a nice meal. It was lovely. In the car on the way back, Nicky phoned her cousin, who was down the pub with her mates. It was a good opportunity for the girls to catch up and me to watch the football. We could have a few drinks and get a taxi home. Nicky in her haste managed to drink 2 bottles of wine!!!! In the taxi home she professed her undying .................... need to be sick, which she duly did all night in the bathroom. Every 15 minutes or so I'd call out to make sure she was still alive, which she was. In the morning she surfaced complaining that I'd left her there all night. My response was that at least I didn't waste my lovely dinner.

I was in the bank the other day. Nothing unusual there. I was stuck behind a dinlow. Nothing Unusual there either. The conversation she had with the cashier was a corker.

Dinlow - Can I take out some money on this card?

Cashier - Yes, although that's a credit card so it will cost you 2.5%

Dinlow - How much is that?

Cashier - Well that depends how much you need. How much do you need?

Dinlow - Well I owe Shelley $40.

Dinlow's Dinlow Mate - No Shelley owes you $40.

Dinlow - Oh yeah, well I owe her a tenner then.

(pause for daft conversation)

Dinlow - Well, I'd better have $100 please. How much is 2.5% of that?

Now I know lots of people are no good at percentages, but come on!!!!

2006-02-24T11:25:00.000Z

Sponsor Stivs in his heroic quest to complete the london marathon. http://www.justgiving.com/mikestevens

2006-02-04T19:29:00.000Z

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.

Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

Dear Girls - you have just learned the offside rule

2006-01-05T12:56:00.000Z

What's this? 2 postings in relatively short succession, things are looking good for 2006. Murray, I'm glad I survived.

I'd actually forgotten how good it is to blog. Not only does it provide a record for I've been up to, but it helps clear the mind and makes me strive to acheive my goals. Hopefully it doesn't bore you in the process.

I should start by wishing you all a belated Happy Christmas and all the best for 2006. My excuse for being late is that I've been internet less this Christmas. Trying to go wireless at home. NTL stopped their signal, but BT neglected to switch us on despite sending out the router and all the other bits. Roll on the 10th Jan.

I know I could have sent texts, but the truth is it all felt very different this year. Who am I trying to kid the last 5 Christmas's have all been completely different, but all special. This year it was nice to shut the front door and not leave the house for about 4 days.

Over the festive season we took young Ben to the panto at the Princes Hall in Aldershot. It was Sleeping Beauty and with no stars holding it together it did tend to drone on a bit, but then I suppose it is meant for kiddlywinks. Ben seemed to enjoy all the 'It's behind you' stuff. Next year we'd go to a bigger one at Woking, where Bobby Davro was supposedly excellent or go to one of those pantomime on ice things.

We also took a train ride to London to visit Earls Court's 'Santa Land' attraction. My Mum had seen it advertised in the Daily Mail and they were obviously sponsoring the event in some way.

The bmuff about it says.

'Through a captivating story (‘the adventures of Santa’s Magic Ribbons’!), stunning set design, loveable characters and engaging pantomime, Santa Land will bring to life the true magic of Christmas like never before – giving children the opportunity not only to meet Santa, but to explore his magical land, become one of his little helpers and help save Christmas!

Following two years planning, Earls Court will be transformed into a sensational £3 million Christmas spectacular. Santa Land will be a ‘must see’ event for all the family as visitors embark on a two and a half hour magical experience with over 20 amazing attractions, 150 retail outlets, a 600ft train ride and a 10 lane real snow slide and of course a visit to Father Christmas!'

Well I now know the Daily Mails influence on the event. They obviously had a team of journalists working on the bmuff, coz in my opinion it was utter shite and all for £65 for 2 adults and a child.

We were allotted a time to enter the magical land so me being me had plenty of time to burn in the 150 retail outlets. These outlets turned out to be a Christmas Market of about 40 stalls selling overpriced tat in the main and some dodgy sausages in the rest. Ben chose to have his little 5 year old face painted for £7. He was adamant that he wanted to be painted as a ghoul which made his picture with Santa delightful and all for an extra £10. Well they had a go.

As our allotted time came round Nicky became more cynical about the whole event. I being an ultra fair person gave her a little nudge and reminded it was for the little ones and when we entered the Kingdom it would all be worthwhile.

The Entrance looked promising. The little elf was obviously stalling for time and as we entered the Magic Mine it was encouraging still. Another Elf stalled us for time before the doors opened on Santa Land and we were confronted with a small indoor funfair, but we weren't going to the funfair we were going to see Santa. Cue more people dressed as elves pretending to wrap presents and be jolly etc.

We were quickly shown into Santas room. Santa was in his 20's trying to sound like Santa. He asked what Ben wanted for Christmas. A Big Sleigh came the answer to which Santa couldn't respond. Ben was given a Thomas the Tank Engine drawing set (which we did on the train home) and shown the door. Right enough we were back out in the Market.

Ben said - "That was wubbish"

Couldn't have put it better myself. Oh yeah and Santa's house doesn't have any doors, has curtains for walls and no ceilings, unless you count the Earls Court Exhibition hall. Or Snow come to think of it.

It wasn't the end of it, we were allowed back into the 'funfair'. The 20 attractions included a 10 lane ice slope which people queued 2 hours to have a go on. We queued an hour to go on a balloon ride where only 1 adult was allowed. We looked at the 'amazing' animatronics and watched the 2 minute film about a naughty gnome and went on train ride in a 600 foot circle. We missed the Helter Skelter and the merry go round and didn't even see any of the other 20 claimed attractions so I guess we missed them literally.

If they spent £3million then they were done. It's all very well spending £3 million, but you need to use a little imagination as well. Hell they had 2 years to think about. If 'Santaland' had been as described I'd have thought £65 was very reasonable indeed, as it was it was a waste of time and money. There would have been more glitter and sparkle at Elton's wedding. I'd even have paid a bit extra to make it magical. Bloody poor show I say. On the plus side Ben loved the train ride to London.

To top the day off when we got back to Fleet my car had been bashed in the car park. People do scuff bumpers in car parks, but this maniac has whacked mine and left a massive indentation in my bumper. Of course no details were left. We should have taken Nicky's.

To cheer us up we watched Bad Santa at home. Still the best christmas movie ever.

We did take Ben to the local garden centre for £4. Santa spent ages with him and he got a half decent present. I did whisper, to Nicky, whilst in the grotto cum summer house that I knew Santa. It was Brian a fellow ferret. On leaving Santa said 'Bye, Stuart'. How to confuse a five year old.

My Parents decided to spend Christmas and New Year away this year in Tenerife which was different. I'm pleased for them that they did. 2006 is my Dad's retirement year and I reckon they should make sure they enjoy it. After all they've bloody well earnt it.

It did mean that I had to cook Christmas dinner and I have to say it was the best Christmas dinner I've ever had. Moist turkey, great stuffing, perfect Parsnips (my forte), potatoes and all the other crap. The remainder of the day was spent playing with lego and all the good things in life. In fact the whole festive period was relaxed and chilled, but it'll be nice to get back to normality.

I'll update you on all the football news in the next edition. You know you want it.

p.s. I've updated my plans for the year from the last posting.

2005-12-16T11:41:00.000Z

Sorry that it's been nearly 4 months since my last posting, but the stories of my passing are untrue. Rest in the knowledge that I still live and work in the centre of the universe which I now leave less and less often, but hey I'm happy. Suffice to say I find it hard to find time to blog these days now that I'm not driving a desk.

So how is the new job going. Well if I'm honest not great. Sure it's a good feeling to be making a difference to the club, but I'm not sure if the toll it takes on life outside the club is fair.

I'm out Monday and Wednesday evenings with the Youth team. On Tuesday's if the first team have a game. On Saturday the Reserves or First team are at home and on Sunday the ladies. On top of that the club is usually hired for private functions on Friday and Saturday nights. When it all began I was the first one in and the last one out. It ends up like binge working, but binge working when everyone else is enjoying themselves.

The challenge is and remains to find casual reliable bar staff able to open up and close up and clean up. I've found a couple of people who can relieve the pressure on Friday and Saturday nights which does make live easier.

The truth is I'm not a bar man. Sure I can pull a pint and take peoples money like the best of them, but I don't think that is where the club gets it full benefit from me. If I've worked 30 hours over a weekend then the last thing I want to do when Monday comes is start planning for next week.

It's like any of my job changes in the past. There really is no perfect job. I'm just lucky coz I realise that.

Having said all that I don't regret making the move. I certainly waste less time here, but it's the work live balance. Its very hard to get any downtime, because I'm always on call and people always expect things to be done as I'm the only paid employee. However the feedback I get from people is encouraging.

On to football matters. Andy Sinton has done a terrific job since taking over as manager. We're much better organised and looking a good outfit. We've even claimed a few scalps along the way. Currently we lie in 7th in the league with games in hand. Unprecedented for Fleet at this level. My only disappointment is not getting to see enough of the games as I'm working and everyone else is enjoying the journey.

On the Youth front. This is part of my job that I love, but of course its the part that I don't get paid for. Back in July when we took over the youth we had no players. Well now we've got a very competitive side in the SYL and a great bunch of young lads to boot.

Having failed to win in our first 4 competitive games we are now on a run of 6 wins from our last 7. We lie 4 in the league and dispatched Basingstoke to make it through to the semi finals of the county cup.

With 2005 coming to a close I figured it was time to review the tasks I set for myself when I returned from traveling.

1. Find a job I actually like.
2. Join a badminton, table tennis or squash league.
3. Do a challenge for charity, either Inca trail or great wall of china.
4. Complete my AAT qualification.
5. Contact my friends regularly.
6. Start my FA Coaching badges.
7. Run the London Marathon.
8. Learn to play Baker Street on my Saxophone.
9. Find a cheaper mortgage.
10. Stop using my mobile in company.

1. Well I do like it, but there are better. I'd struggle to go back to a 9 to 5, so I'm gonna be selective.
2. Oops
3. Oops, although does the moonwalk count?
4. Well I passed my exam, but I still need to do my project.
5. Oops, that'll go on next years list.
6. Well I started my level 1 and passed. I've just completed my Level 2 so that's good. I've got to spend 2 years at this level and then I can move on.
7. I applied for 2006 and failed. I'll apply again for 2007.
8. The Sax is still in it's case.
9. Decided to sell my house to Big Steve and Char. Well I wasn't living there and the rental barely covered my mortgage and the tenants ruined it. That'll be a big burden off my shoulders and enable me to move forward with N.
10. I'm pretty good at this now.

So for next year I'm planning to:-

1. Finish my AAT
2. See how long I can last at FTFC, whilst still looking for 'that' job.
3. Remain happy.
4. Look into Community Coaching for a local professional football club.
5. Start a sports physiotherapy course.
6. Blog more often.
7. Sort out my finances.

On the whole lives good. I wish I didn't feel such a tie to the football club, but time will tell how it all pans out. I regret not staying in touch with everyone, but I'm really not sure where the time goes. I have been making continuing progress, but there are still loose ends that need tying. Then I'll be laughing.

2005-09-04T21:22:00.000Z

2005-08-31T10:11:00.000Z

Last day at work. About bloody time!

In real football the FA Cup started a couple of weeks ago with the Extra Preliminary Round. Fleet started on Saturday away at Whitstable (from the level below). 3-0 up at half time and we were cruising before inexplicably almost throwing it all away and ending up drawing 3-3.

The replay was last night and again we took an early lead. Whitstabubble equalized on 50 mins and then were awarded a penalty in injury to take the tie. Our goalie saved the penalty and we promptly broke away and our forward was brought down. Terry Davies curled the free kick around the wall and we won. Thatcham in the next round next Saturday. You can't beat the FA Cup for excitement.

The Youth season starts tonight away at Chertsey.

2005-08-24T13:41:00.000Z

When I was away, you may recall that I read 60 books or something like that. Well last night, a year after returning I finally finished my first book since returning. The Curious incident of the Dog in the night was an easy read, very different and well worth the Whitbread Book of the Year or whatever it was it won. Incidently I'm still halfway through the book that I was reading when I left for home.

I'm just 2 days short of my 1 year anniversary of my return home. How times have changed!

2005-08-24T10:02:00.000Z

You may remember that I handed my notice in a day before the annual salary reviews were announced. Well yesterday I got my final MP payslip and what a nice surprise it was to see that they have given me a 3% pay rise. Apparently my boss has gone banana's at the HR department and who can blame her. MP have paid me extra money that they didn't need to. My Mum's response when I told her the salary I'm now on and giving up was "You Stupid Bugger!" It seems that turning 30 hasn't made me any wiser. or has it? Considering it was my Mum who got me a present of a fridge magnet that reads "'The purpose of life is to be happy', Dalai Lama!"

2005-08-08T09:48:00.000Z

You're right Michelle, I have been very remiss in not posting in nearly a month.

I'm still working my notice period at MP. I only have to make the journey another 16 times so I can at least see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I've been very busy working the 2 jobs, running the Youth side and starting my Level 2 coaching certificate. I'm very grateful to my nearest and dearest who have had to put up with me through this period. The promise that things will be 'normal' come 1st September is coming to fruition. I'll be saving myself 10 hours a week just on travelling and will basically manage my own time so will have plenty of flexibility to be able to pull my weight around the home.

My hectic schedule hasn't been helped with other commitments. For example in the last week of July I worked - Sat 23rd from noon till midnight with a match and a party in the evening. On Monday I was down in Winchester on my first day of the coaching course 9 till 6. In the evening I was coaching the Youth Team. Tuesday I was at the coaching course and then had an 18th birthday at the club in the evening till 1am. On wednesday I died, missed my course, but got my haircut and numerous other tasks at home completed. In the evening I coached. On Thursday I was at the course and had to play catchup with what I'd missed. In the evening I went to a commercial meeting at the club. Friday and Saturday was all day at the coaching course and on Saturday evening I had a 50th Birthday at the club where we took £1300 but in the process created an incredible amount of mess that took till 2.30 to clean up. Needless to say I was pleased to get that week out of the way. Things have eased a little since.

Some might say well why didn't you get someone to help you? Mainly coz lots of people are on holiday. I've had lots of offers of help down at the club, but sadly nothing ever comes of it. Needless to say the buck always stops with me and I've never been one for teflon shoulders. Sometimes that comes to the detriment of those closest to me and as ever I don't always see whats right in front of my nose and need things pointing out to me. Admittedly that's not the way it should be, but I think I'm moving in the right direction.

I couldn't even rely on anyone else to coach the youth. The manager was away at Lilleshall doing his A license so again it fell to me. However no matter how tired or stressed I am I get a special buzz from coaching and the banter with the lads. Truthfully I'm pleased to have been given the opportunity. Not bad considering I hadn't done any coaching until the beginning of this year. I have travelling to thank for that idea.

I've no idea how far the coaching will take me. Secretly I know that the job as clubhouse manager won't be everlasting. It's too reliant on one person's money and if he goes then it'll be a short stint. To get the clubhouse to stand on it's own 2 feet and pay for the football is nigh on impossible considering where we are currently at. It's something that many clubs at this level try, but I can't think of any real successes. Hopefully being there full time will enable me to bring in a few initiatives and processes to take the club forward and raise the profile. Whilst doing this I'll be looking for part time work as a coach (with Reading in the community) and investigating physiotherapy. Nothing would please me more than to make the Clubhouse a hive of activity, but from where we are now it's a long shot. Still gonna give it my best shot. What the long term future holds who knows?

The Youth Team have our first friendly this evening. The training has been going very well. We have an excellent bunch of lads, albeit a young squad, so it'll be interesting to see how we get on in a game.

The Coaching Certificate itself was very tiring. It's a huge step up from level 1. We each had to coach a skill session, then lead that on to 3v3 game and then up to a 6v6 game. With that comes all the theory, the tutor's demonstration before everyone else's attempts. On the friday and saturday the course culminated in taking part in 16 6v6 games for the internal assessment. For the assessments you are expected to coach ever error, but make the game specific to your topic. It becomes very monotonous and we were all pleased to get them out of the way. I've now got a support day in September and then the external assessment at the end of October. That's doesn't give us a lot of time to complete all the tasks. We've got to do 16 hours witnessed coaching on 8 specific topics, as well as player profiles from 3 games, 8 session plans, 4 linked session plans, watch a game and note incidents of friendly and foul play as well as many others. It's quite difficult to get my head round it all with everything else going on, but I will succeed.

2005-07-12T09:02:00.000Z

Started my level 2 Football Coaching Course. Did a bit of theory and have to return in 2 weeks for the practical element, 6 days out on the pitch from 9 till 6.

On Saturday morning we had our first session with the new U4/5's. There were 29 of them present. We're not really coaching, it's more like babysitting. It can be incredibly frustrating, mainly just trying to get them to stand in a straight. You have to be careful what you say as they take everything literally. If you tell them to keep their eye on the ball, they will honestly bend over and try and put their eye on the ball.

At this age they have had very little interaction with other children and have big problems sharing. So we just give them all a ball and let them teach themselves. Very quickly they develope the ability to dribble and turn to evade other kids, mainly because they're scared of other kids. Gradually we introduce little techniques that they can practise and work on. I have to say that Saturday's session was an absolute joy.

As enjoyable as the young 'uns are it's still nice to get to the U18's. They understand what you're asking them to do and do it (in the main). I've been lucky enough to take the lads for a few of the drills and enjoyed that also.

Still in limbo at the moment. Had loads of thoughts of what I need to do at the football club, but can't really action any of it until I start full time down there on the 1st September. I've written everything down and can't wait to get started!

2005-07-11T14:16:00.000Z

Fleet Town 1 Tottenham Hotspur XI 1

2005-06-30T15:50:00.000Z

I've done a rather silly thing. I've just resigned from a rather good (and well paid) job and taken up the post of Clubhouse/Commercial Manager at Fleet Town FC. In the process I've taken a large pay cut, but have the potential of earning a bonus that unless I'm hyper successful (increasing turnover 8 times) still won't reach the earnings I'm on now. So why am I so bloody excited?

In my 8 months at MP, I've become increasingly dissatisfied with live here. I lack the motivation to do a days work, even if there was a days work to do. In short I've learnt that my heart really isn't in Accounts, certainly not with a big company.

So gone is the rat race. Gone is talk of CIMA, ACCA, CIPFA, DIPFA and WHOGIVESASHITFA's! Also gone is the 2 hours a day spent in my car and £45 a week spent on fuel.

As I've said before it's been heartbreaking watching the clubhouse flounder under the management of my predecessor, especially when you consider the amount of money spent on the refurbishment at the turn of the year. There is stacks of potential at the club. We have an excellent facility that needs to be used. I'm not kidding myself, I know it's going to be extremely hard work, but at least I get to see the fruits of my labour and a real sense of achievment for something I really enjoy.

I've heard the moans and grumbles from all sides about what wrong with this and what's wrong with that. So I took the decision to give it a go myself. I figured that this is a chance for someone to give it their best shot. If it all works out then fantastic, if not then what have I lost?

My Mum's reaction when I first told her was, well that's not very good for the long term. My Dad is a little more sympathetic as he's also on the Ferret committee. It could be tantamount to career suicide, but I tend to look at the positives. I've had a very positive reaction from all the club members and am confident that with the support of everyone we can make a success of it.

I also said I wanted to work for a football, I just didn't expect it to happen at this level. For me long term, it will give me some experience and also afford me the chance to work on my coaching badges and Physio courses. That's my long term aim to become a coach/physiotherapist.

So that's that then. If any of you have a wedding reception, birthday party, conference or wake to plan in the future then give me a call on 01252 623804. Also if you'd like to sponsor the team I can help you there!
_____________________________________________________________________________________

On the Youth front we had a very positive first training session. 29 turned up which wasn't bad considering we only had 4 players left from the remnants of last years squad.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Hands up if you spent Sunday Night in hospital?

Just me then?

I'd sat down to watch Top Gear, when suddenly I felt this excruciating pain in my lower chest. I've had chest pain before, but it's always been heart burn or trapped wind and I've been able to relieve it by changing my position or taking a Zantac.

This time I couldn't shift it. I tried every position. I was inside, I was outside, I was stretched out on my back, I was curled up in a ball, I lay on my stomach and it still hurt like a bugg3r.

After about 10 minutes I couldn't take it anymore, I crawled up the stairs to ask N for some help. She laughed and thought I was taking the mick. I wasn't. I couldn't have shout, I could hardly talk.

I lay flat on the kitchen floor while she called NHS Direct. They took too long to answer and the pain was increasing so an ambulance was called.

The Paramedic arrived within a couple of minutes and put me on Entenox. Now I know why women have babies!

Thankfully the pain was beginning to subside.

The ambulance arrived and I was altogether feeling much better with life, but that was probably the gas. They insisted on doing an ECG and taking me to hospital for further checks.

I was taken to Frimley Park and given another ECG. Thankfully all was normal.

I blame it on the half bottle of Banrock Station and Co Dyramol I'd taken with my dinner.

I'm feel a bit daft about it now. I've felt pain before, but never this excruciating or for so long. I was scared and I know N was as well, but I'm pleased they did take me hospital and give me a good going over. I'll be sticking to the cheapy wines from now on.

2005-06-20T15:20:00.000Z

About 6 weeks ago the Clubhouse Manager at Fleet left so being a good committee member, I assumed the mantle on a voluntary basis. 6 weeks on and still no decision about the future has been made. Those 6 weeks have involved many hours of cleaning and general fire fighting.

The Club's phone is diverted through to my mobile and I've had calls from all sorts of people wanting to fit ATM's, fruit Machines, personalised sanitary ware and other guff, all of which needs dealing with.

The Club's problems run deep, with the stock room full of rapidly dating crisps, lots of cocktail mixers and alcopops, but no beer. Now at a football club people tend to alot of beer and not alot of Corky's Creme Egg flavoured Shotsand the like.

To culminate the stock problem there are no functions booked in the diary. I've taken an executive decision and not ordered any barrelled beer for the last few weeks. The limited number of people who have been to club in the close season, have been happily depleting our copous stocks of bottled beer.

To top it all, the next function I have booked is a Wedding Reception for this Saturday, but the previous incumbant has said that we can do a cold buffet for them at £2.50 a head. £2.50 a head. How the hell can you make a buffet for £2.50 a head, with desserts and crockery (which we have to hire), and expect to make a profit. We don't have the facilities to properly cater for a buffet. Sure I can butter some bread, but with the Food Hygiene regulations nowadays we have to be so careful. It's a risk I'm not willing to take.

So recently I've had a few late nights involving meeting about the future of the Club House and I've also been announced as the new Fleet Town Youth Team Assistant Manager (it was in the paper and everything). In short I'm knackered and running on empty.

So can you imagine my reaction when I got a phone call on Friday at 14.00 along the lines of :-

Caller - Hi I was just wondering what time I could get in the club tonight to set up.
Bloo (frantically rifling through the diary, and finding a blank page) - I'm sorry, but I don't have a booking for tonight.
Caller - Ah, well I confirmed it with *n08j0ck3y* months ago.
Bloo - Ah, well I don't have any record of it.
Caller - Is there anything we can do, coz I've got 120 people turning up at 8pm who've paid £7 for tickets.
Bloo - Well I've got no stock, no bar staff, no change and not alot of time. Let me make a few phone calls and I'll see what I can do.

I managed to pull a few rabbits out of hats and get the party on. They've even booked another couple of functions, but it's been far from good preparation for Saturday's Moon Walk.

The Moon Walk takes place in London's, Hyde Park, with 15,000 women and not very many male participants all in aid of Breast Cancer. With the gates opening at 20.30 for a 23.00 kick off I left Fleet at 19.00 and made good progress through the U2 concert traffic to London. Despite warnings of no parking at Hyde Park I found a very convenient Car Park at Mayfair and very reasonable at £4.50.

I decided to leave the safety of the Car Park and do a quick recce of the territory. OMG - There were thousands of women all dressed in the T shirts that we'd been asked to travel in.

Imagine thousands of people dressed like this, all seemingly baying for my blood

I hadn't been brave enough to travel in my bra and t shirt so returned to the car park to weigh up my options. At this point I found salvation in a phone call from my Mum and Dad, checking that I had arrived alright and to wish me luck. I haven't seen my parents in a little while with everything else that's been going and coz I'm a bit of a crap son, but it did remind of the reason why I'd signed up for the walk.

My mind made up I headed for the car park conveniences to don my ferret coloured bra (filled with socks), T Shirt and hat.

So it was off to queue with the masses and into the playtex city. A quick scoot around, bag checked in and found a quiet corner to sit and listen to Bjorn Again.

In the city the T Shirts were removed to reveal all sorts of decorated bra's (mainly pink). I didn't know where to look.

Having summoned up the courage I eventually revealed bra with an ample 40D bust covering my freshly waxed chest.

The waxing wasn't as bad as the girlies make it out to be. Anyone who's seen the Mpg's will notice that I hardly flinched (much!). Of course that may have had more to do with ibuprofen that I'd boshed an hour before my trip to Cassandra, my Beautician. Should have got my underarms done as well.

The actual walk was carried out in a good atmosphere, with passing motorists tooting away and residents hanging from windows with good luck messages. I was never mistaken for a woman, but was never engaged in any meaningful conversation. I think I was looked on as a bit of a weirdo. Just a normal Saturday night for me I suppose.

Full credit to the women. All sorts turned out. There were fat one and thin ones, big ones and little ones, tall ones and short ones, young ones and old ones, well ones and ill ones. There were cops and robbers, wonderwomen, chavs and GI Janes.

I was made to feel normal, well as normal as you can be for a bloke dressed in a bra. I have to say tho, bra straps chafe like nobody's business. Thank god I haven't got breasts. I'd never get to work. We all know that if men had breasts then the world's economies would grind to a halt.

There were other men along the way. They were mainly with a group of women who had suitably dressed them up for all to see, although I noticed that none of them had waxed there chests.

I myself received heckles along the way, but it was all good natured. Many people have sniggered when I said what I was doing. Not surprising really, it isn't normal behaviour, but equally it doesn't really bother me what people think. I did the walk for my reasons, raised £500 for a deserving cause and had a good time to boot. I'd do anything to raise money for breast cancer. Donning a bra and walking 14 miles doesn't make me a raving homo (I think!).

There are a couple of problems with walking round London with 15,000 women. Namely stroppy women who clearly knew better than the Marshalls and wouldn't listen. The other problem being the toilets. Having glugged 2 litres of water just before the start (more poor preparation), I had to stop 3 times en route to use the facilities. Each time i queued for 30 minutes. Now if they'd designated one portaloo for the boys, then i'd have been laughing.

Although the walk takes place through the night and there are plenty of volunteers, none of the roads are closed. So there were waits at some of the junctions and some of the footpaths were narrow and uneven, but I feel like I'm griping for the sake of griping. At the end of day I did the deed, now pay da money!

I eventually finished at 4 am. All I could do was pick up my medal and goodie bag, collect my bag, remove that bloody bra, get to my car and drive home. I hit the sack at 5, but didn't have a proper sleep. It was too hot and I was over tired. 3 days on and I'm still aching like a bugger (serves me right for not practising or warming up), my chest hair is beginning to come through, but the spots haven't quite abated.

Now I'd like a moan about F1 racing. I've always found it intensely boring. A procession of cars driving (not racing) to the line. There was no overtaking, no action and no drama. It was all down to who had the best pit stop strategy.

This season however it's got quite exciting. I've been following it from afar, but thought that a good way to spend my Sunday evening would be to watch the USA Grand Prix. I was looking forward to it, so how does F1 always seem to shoot itself in the foot?

This weeks US Grand Prix was an utter shambles. There are far too many egos and too much flying around in that sport.

2005-06-16T09:05:00.000Z

I've only gone and done it

I know I'm no Wookie, but I did the deed and got my chest waxed as part of Andy H's pledge conditions.

I don't know what all the fuss is about. I didn't chaff in the slightest >D:eek

BEFORE

AFTER

I also have Mpeg clips of the event if anyone is interested.

Cassandra, my beautician, didn't charge me either as it's for charity.

And before anyone else says it, yes I have put on a few pounds.

You can still pledge at Bloo in a Bra

2005-05-24T15:33:00.000Z

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Thank you and don't forget to sponsor me here

2005-05-23T10:34:00.000Z

Bugger it, these arrived yesterday.

I might actually have to go through with this. Read the literature and there's 15,000 people (women) taking part. 15,000!!!!! Luckily it's in the dead of the night.

Briggsy, I'll decorate it with a bit of lace! Good enough for the pledge?

Howard, Double it and I'll have my chest waxed and provide photographic evidence. Deal?

Ease my discomfort by pledging here

2005-05-23T09:25:00.000Z

I knocked this up in about five minutes at my desk using the finest paper clip and elastic band.

Not bad for my first effort.

2005-05-20T15:46:00.000Z

This post is dedicated to Milky NZ's Mum, Milky NZ and D-Man.

The Crusaders Rock. I hate egg chasing, but I like the Crusaders, mainly coz they're from Christchurch.

and don't forget to sponsor me Bloo in a Bra

2005-05-18T10:29:00.000Z

Sent a text to Big Steve this morning to see how he was getting on on his trip up the West Coast of Oz.

Reply I got was 'The Gorge (Kalbarri) was good until I decided to go head first off a 3m ledge, had to stretchered out and then taken to Geraldton Hospital, very lucky no broken bones, I'm not right tho, got to stay in hospital again tonight.'

Some travellers will do anything for a free nights accomodation.

I hope he got some pics of the incident. Should make an excellent blog entry.

According to Char he's alright and should be discharged tomorrow.

You can send him messages of abuse or get well wishes to 07786326493

What a numpty!

Don't forget to sponsor me Bloo in a Bra

2005-05-13T14:52:00.000Z

Try again shall we? Bloo in a Bra.

Thank you

2005-05-12T08:36:00.000Z

Help Me, please. I've signed up to a 13 mile walk, only wearing a bra. I measured in at a healthy 40d (some serious padding required). To stop this outrageous event please pledge lots of money here. After all it's all in a good cause.

Walk The Walk

2005-04-27T15:59:00.000Z

Right, just off to do battle with the traffic and pick Milky up from the airport.

Woke up to beautiful sunshine this morning, had torrential this morning, then it was nice again for lunch. This afternoon we've have hail, thunder and lightening and now the sun's out again. Give it another 10 minutes and it'll be pissing it down. Welcome to the England.

2005-04-18T10:05:00.000Z

My Weekend

I got booked - boo!

I should have been sent off - Hooray!

Indy lost - boo!

I scored - Hooray!

Fleet lost - boo!

2005-04-07T10:36:00.000Z

Ferrets

Saturday we took the trip to Dorking to play another relegation candidate. I was again on the bench as bag man. In the end we lost another must win game. Had we won we would have been mathematically secure. As it happens it would still take an extraordinary sequence of results to see us relegated, but strange things happen in football.

The game itself was a total mystery. I'm still in shock that we lost. Dorking were absolutely sh1te. They looked a team about 3 levels below us and it's no surprise that they hadn't won at home since October. What they did have was a passion and a desire to make life as hard as possible for us. A passion that our players are sadly lacking. The current crop of Ferret Players don't seem to have the desire to win of our small band of supporters. They've no feel for the club.

Dorking's tenacity paid off with 2 late goals, one off side and the other a clear push. At 1-0 down our striker was clean through on goal, he did everything right, rounded the keeper, but as he went to slot home the equalizer, the ball took an horrendous bobble and bounced off his knee. You just can't legislate for that, nor can you make any excuses for losing a game like this. We did score late on, to set up a tense finish.

To enhance the relegation jitters we now need 5 points from our last 3 games or rely on other results. The trouble is our last 3 games are against 3 teams vyying for the play offs. Those 3 games lose easily losable.

Indy

Indy seem to be capitualating as well. We lost again on Sunday. Promotion is still possible, but we are now reliant on other teams results.

I was absolutely raging on Sunday. I was told that we were going for promotion, but on Sunday people were laughing and joking about not tracking runners, missing tackles and generally being lazy. If they'd told me we were out for the crack of it and sod promotion then I can take the laughing and joking. Likewise I have no problem with shit players, afterall we're all shit, but I do have a problem with people not working hard. It makes us all look like mugs.

Pay Back

Last night I had a conversation which went along the lines of:-

N - You know how I've done lots of things for you, that I didn't want to do?
Bloo - Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
N - Well will you come to a Body Combat class with me tonight?

With the close season only 3 weeks away, it's about this time of the season that i beging to the realize that I have to start scoring points in time for next season. When I recently suggested a weekend away in (Barnsley) the response I got was, 'Why, is there football on.'

I saw the Combat class as a good opportunity for point scoring. I was a little apprehensive as I entered the woman's domain. There was a class of about 30, I was 1 of only 2 boys there. The other guy seemed nice enough, but was clearly a pervert.

Having done the class I have to say it's not really a woman's domain, but I completely understand why not many fella's go to these classes for fear of ridicule. Sure being a gurl and having coordination is a distinct advantage.

The routines are a mixture of choerographed punches and kicks and slashs and slaps all to loud music with a good beat.

Of course everyone else knew what they were doing as they jumped and cavorted about the studio in time. I jumped and cavorted in my own time. The slap of rubber trainer of studio floor in unison is impressive. The universal slap was of course followed a second later by my own slap.

The pervert is obviously a seasoned veteran. I slipped out at the end of a track for a quick toilet break and consequently missed the beginning of the next track. As I reentered the cauldron i was confronted with much frivolity and 'Rebel Yell' blaring out. The sequences resembled something out of river dance with a few upper cuts and jabs thrown in.

I took a time out, to contemplate joining, but realized it looked far too energetic for me. The Pervert looked at me and said with glee 'Come on, it's the Rebel.' With that I was back in joining the fun. Jab, Jab, Jab, Jab, upper, upper, upper, duck and retreat.

I feel like a pioneer for mankind and I have crossed boundaries that no man has crossed before.

Body Combat

Bassai Dai

The other day a friend (girl) of mine received a text from a boy she's been kind of seeing which read:-

'Can't wait for Saturday Night, I'm gonna Bassai dai your arse. Lots of Love ***** xxx'

I was intrigued. I'd never heard of Bassai Bai. We thought prehaps it was something from the Kama Sutra, but having done a google search, it turns out that it's a Karate. Not as romantic as I thought. Anybody else heard this expression used and in what context?

Appraisal

I've recently had my appraisal at work. It went quite well. I was far more critical of my performance than my boss was. My objectives are:-

1. Reconcile cash received report weekly.
2. PFR Training for Mel and Emma
3. Roll out the new project review form
4. Attend team meetings to give a 10 minute overview on financial situation
5. Complete MAS Project to gain AAT qualification.

Simple really.

'American Idiot'

I have a new friend which accompanies on my drive to and from work. Green Day's album 'American Idiot' has replaced Alan Brazil's and Beaky's breakfast show on Talk Sport. I got the album as an easter present and it would rank as the best easter present I've ever received, far better than chocolate eggs.

Green Day remind of Linkin Park although they are slighty more mainstream, there lyrics are just as angry, but they don't rage as much.

I don't like posting lyrics, but I'm gonna anyway.

"American Idiot"

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new mania.
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind fuck America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along in the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information age of hysteria.
It's calling out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alienation.
Everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

"Jesus Of Suburbia"

[Part 1]
I'm the son of rage and love
The Jesus of suburbia
From the bible of none of the above
On a steady diet of soda pop and Ritalin
No one ever died for my sins in hell
As far as I can tell
At least the ones I got away with

And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me

Get my television fix sitting on my crucifix
The living room or my private womb
While the moms and brads are away
To fall in love and fall in debt
To alcohol and cigarettes and Mary Jane
To keep me insane and doing someone else's cocaine

And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make believe
That don't believe in me

[Part 2: City Of The Damned]
At the center of the Earth
In the parking lot
Of the 7-11 were I was taught
The motto was just a lie
It says home is where your heart is
But what a shame
Cause everyone's heart
Doesn't beat the same
It's beating out of time

City of the dead
At the end of another lost highway
Signs misleading to nowhere
City of the damned
Lost children with dirty faces today
No one really seems to care

I read the graffiti
In the bathroom stall
Like the holy scriptures of a shopping mall
And so it seemed to confess
It didn't say much
But it only confirmed that
The center of the earth
Is the end of the world
And I could really care less

City of the dead
At the end of another lost highway
Signs misleading to nowhere
City of the damned
Lost children with dirty faces today
No one really seems to careeeeee

[Part 3: I don't care]

I don't care if you don't
I don't care if you don't
I don't care if you don't care
[x4]

I don't careeeeeeeeee

Everyone is so full of shit
Born and raised by hypocrites
Hearts recycled but never saved
From the cradle to the grave
We are the kids of war and peace
From Anaheim to the middle east
We are the stories and disciples
Of the Jesus of suburbia
Land of make believe
And it don't believe in me
Land of make believe
And I don't believe
And I don't care!
I don't care! [x4]

[Part 4: Dearly beloved]

Dearly beloved are you listening?
I can't remember a word that you were saying
Are we demented or am I disturbed?
The space that's in between insane and insecure
Oh therapy, can you please fill the void?
Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed
Nobody's perfect and I stand accused
For lack of a better word, and that's my best excuse

[Part 5: Tales of another broken home]

To live and not to breathe
Is to die In tragedy
To run, to run away
To find what you believe
And I leave behind
This hurricane of fucking lies
I lost my faith to this
This town that don't exist

So I run
I run away
To the light of masochist
And I leave behind
This hurricane of fucking lies
And I walked this line
A million and one fucking times
But not this time

I don't feel any shame
I won't apologize

When there ain't nowhere you can go
Running away from pain
When you've been victimized
Tales from another broken home

You're leaving...
You're leaving...
You're leaving...
Ah you're leaving home...

"Holiday"

Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame
The ones who died without a name

Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called "Faith and Misery" (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protestor has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find, the money's on the other side

Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There's a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)
A gag, A plastic bag on a monument

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

"The representative from California has the floor"

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

Zieg Heil to the president gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass and
Kill all the fags that don't agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that's meant for me
Just cause, just cause, because we're outlaws yeah!

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives

This is our lives on holiday

"Are We The Waiting"

Starry nights city lights coming down over me
Skyscrapers and stargazers in my head
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown
This dirty town was burning down in my dreams
Lost and found city bound in my dreams

And screaming
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting

Forget me nots and second thoughts live in isolation
Heads or tails and fairytales in my mind
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown
The rage and love, the story of my life
The Jesus of suburbia is a lie

And screaming
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting
And screaming
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown

"St. Jimmy"

St. Jimmy's comin' down across the alleyway
Up on the boulevard like a zip gun on parade
Light of a silhouette
He's insubordinate
Coming at you on the count of 1,2,1,2,3,4!

My name is Jimmy and you better not wear it out
Suicide commando that your momma talked about
King of the forty theives
And I'm here to represent
That needle in the vein of the establishment

I'm the patron saint of the denial
With an angel face and a taste for suicidal

Cigarettes and ramen and a little bag of dope
I am the son of a bitch and Edgar Allen Poe
Raised in the city under a halo of lights
The product of war and fear that we've been victimized

I'm the patron saint of the denial
With an angel face and a taste for suicidal

ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

I'll give you something to cry about.

ST. JIMMY!

My name is St. Jimmy I'm a son of a gun
I'm the one that's from the way outside
I'm a teenage assassin executing some fun
In the cult of the life of crime.

I really hate to say it but I told you so
So shut your mouth before I shoot you down old boy
Welcome to the club and give me some blood
And the resident leader at the lost and found

It's comedy and tragedy
It's St. Jimmy
And that's my nameeeeeee...and don't wear it out!

"Give Me Novacaine"

Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine

Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling, that’s alright
Jimmy says it's better than here,
I’ll tell you why

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine

Oh Novacaine

Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine

"She's A Rebel"

She's a rebel
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous

She's a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction

From Chicago to Toronto
She's the one that they
Call old whatsername

She's the symbol
of resistance
and she's holding on my
heart like a hand grenade

Is she dreaming
what I'm thinking
Is she the mother of all bombs
gonna detonate

Is she trouble
like I'm trouble
make it a double
twist of fate
or a melody that

She sings the revolution
the dawning of our lives
she brings this liberation
that I just can't define
nothing comes to mind
[x2]

She's a rebel
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous

She's a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction

She's a rebel
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous

She's a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction

She's a rebel, She's a rebel, She's a rebel, And she's dangerous
[x2]

"Extraordinary Girl"

She's an Extraordinary girl
In an ordinary world
And she cant seem to get away

He lacks the courage in his mind
Like a child left behind
Like a pet left in the rain

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She sees the mirror of herself
An image she wants to sell
To anyone willing to buy

He steals the image in her kiss
From her hearts apocalypse
From the one called whatsername

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
She gets so sick of crying

She's all alone again
Wiping the tears from her eyes
Some days he feels like dying
Some days it's not worth trying
Now that they both are finding
She gets so sick of crying

She's an Extraordinary girl
an Extraordinary girl
an Extraordinary girl
an Extraordinary girl

"Letterbomb"

Nobody likes you...
Everyone left you...
They're all out without you...
Having fun...

Where have all the bastards gone?
The underbelly stacks up ten high
The dummy failed the crash test
Collecting unemployment checks
Like a flunkie along for the ride

Where have all the riots gone
As the city's motto gets pulverized?
What's in love is now in debt
On your birth certificate
So strike the fucking match to light this fuse!

The town bishop is an extortionist
And he don't even know that you exist
Standing still when it's do or die
You better run for your fucking life

It's not over 'till you're underground
It's not over before it's too late
It's cities burnin'
It's not my burden
It's not over before it's too late

There's nothing left to analyze

Where will all the martyrs go when the virus cures itself?
And where will we all go when it's too late?

And don't look back

You're not the Jesus of Suburbia
The St. Jimmy is a figment of
Your father's rage and your mother's love
Made me the idiot America

It's not over 'till you're underground
It's not over before it's too late
It's cities burnin'
It's not my burden
It's not over before it's too late

She said I can't take this place
I'm leaving it behind

Well she said I can't take this town
I'm leaving you tonight

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

"Homecoming"

[Part 1: The death of St. Jimmy]

My heart is beating from me
I am standing all alone
Please call me only if you are coming home
Waste another year flies by
Waste a night or two
You taught me how to live
In the streets of shame
Where you've lost your dreams in the rain
There's no signs of hope
The stems and seeds of the last of the dope
There's a glow of light
The St. Jimmy is the spark in the night
Bearing gifts and trust
The fixture in the city of lust
What the hell's your name?
What's your pleasure and whats your pain?
Do you dream to much?
Do you think what you need is a crutch?
In the crowd of pain. St. Jimmy comes without any shame
He says “we're fucked up”
But we're not the same
And mom and dad are the ones you can blame

Jimmy died today

He blew his brains out into the bay
In the state of mind it's my own private suicide

[Part 2: East 12th St.]

Well nobody cares
Well nobody cares
Does anyone care if nobody cares?
[x2]

Jesus filling out paperwork now
At the facility on east 12th st.
He's not listened to a word now
He's in his own world
And he's daydreaming

He'd rather be doing something else now,
Like cigarettes and coffee with the underbelly,
His life's on the line with anxiety now,
And she had enough,
And he had plenty

Somebody get me out of here
Anybody get me out of here
Somebody get me out of here
Get me the fuck right out of here

So far away
I don't want to stay
Get me out of here right now
I just wanna be free
Is there a possibility?
Get me out of here right now
This life like dream ain't for me

[Part 3: Nobody likes you!]

I fell asleep while watching spike TV
After 10 cups of coffee
And you're still not here
Dreaming of a song
But something went wrong
But I can't tell anyone
'Cause no one's here
Left me here alone
And I should have stayed home
After 10 cups of coffee I'm thinking
(where'd you go?)
Nobody likes you, everyone left you
(where'd you go?)
They're all out without you havin' fun
(where'd you go?)
Everyone left you, nobody likes you
(where'd you go?)
They're all out without you havin' fun
(where'd you go..go..go..go..)

Geeze...Ha..

[Part 4: Rock and roll girlfriend]
[written and sung by Tre Cool]

I got a rock and roll band
I got a rock and roll life
I got a rock and roll girlfriend
And another ex-wife
I got a rock and roll house
I got a rock and roll car
I play the shit out the drums
And I can play the guitar
I got a kid in New York
I got a kid in the bay
I haven't drank or smoked nothin'
In over 22 days
So get off my case
Off of my case
Off of my case!

[Part 5: We're coming home again]

Here they come marching down the street
Like a desperation murmur of a heart beat
Coming back from the edge of town
Underneath their feet
The time has come and it going nowhere
Nobody ever said that life was fair now
Go-carts and guns are treasures they will bear
In the summer heat
The world is spinning
Around and around
Out of control again
From the 7-11 to the fear of breaking down
To send my love a letterbomb
And visit me in hell
We're the ones going

Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again

I started fuckin' running
As soon as my feet touched the ground
We're back in the Barrio
But to you and me, that's jingle town

Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again
Home
We're coming home again

Nobody likes you
Everyone left you
They're all out without you havin' fun

"Whatsername"

Thought I ran into you down on the street
Then it turned out to only be a dream
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face but I can't recall the name
Now I wonder how whatsername has been

Seems that she disappeared without a trace
Did she ever marry old what's his face?
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
She went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face but I can't recall the name
Now I wonder how whatsername has been

Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
The regrets are useless
In my mind
She's in my head
I must confess
The regrets are useless
In my mind
She's in my head
From so long ago

(Go, Go, Go, Go..)

And in the darkest night
If my memory serves me right
I'll never turn back time
Forgetting you, but not the time

2005-04-04T15:11:00.000Z

Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been 20 days since my last posting.

So what have I been up to. Well quite a bit as it happens.

So lets go right back to the beginning.

Squircus.

I went to the squircus. I haven't been to the squircus since I was a little boy, which wasn't so long ago as now I'm a phat boy.

I wasn't entirely sure what to expect. I thought it could have been ever so cheesy, but it was in fact a very good evenings entertainment. The only dissappointment was the rather sparse crowd. I guess entertainment has progressed from a night out at the squircus, to playing Smackdown on your PS, but if you ask me then the squircus is where it's at. If it's been a while since you've been to a squircus then I urge you to go. It's fun!

How we oooooohed at the Romanian Acrobats. How we aaaaahed at the trapeze lady hanging on by toe nails.

The Acrobats were amazing. There was Shrek whose sole purpose was to drag out the crash mat and hold the safety net. There was the other phat bloke who's sole aim was to jump off the platform on to the see saw to send the acrobat flying. The acrobat did an amazing sequence of somersaults and mid air twists and turns before landing perfectly where he was meant to. He also served a mean packet of popcorn before the show began.

The American trapeze artist was nothing short of sensational, although not really a looker. She put in an awesome display that made me cringe just watching. She started by dangling by her knees, her hands, her chin, her stomach. All very impressive, but I've seen that before. What I haven't seen before was dangling by the front of their ankles and then unbelievably by her heels. All without the aid of a safety net. I thank you.

At this point I could have gone home satisfied. I'd seen an amazing display of trapezing. But no, that wasn't enough for her, she proceeded to go through the whole routine again, but this time whilst swinging through the air. I could hardly watch. One question though, How do find out you can dangle by your heels from a bar whilst swinging round a Big Top in the first place? Surely it's one of those things that if you get wrong you never do again, either coz you're dead or lucky not to be.

Another highlight of the night was the Budgie display. Having been a owner of a couple of budgie I was surprised at what they managed to get them to do. The only thing we managed with 'Zippy' (Don't ask) was to drink from a pint of beer, ride on the back of my train set and fly away when we left the french doors and cage open at the same time. Never saw 'Zippy' again.

The Palamino horses were great as was the juggler.

Joke of the day.

Clown - I bet I can name 3 fish with a 'K' in it.
Ringmaster - I bet you can't.
Clown - Shark, Haddock and Kilmarnock.
Ringmaster - Kilmarnock's not a fish.
Clown - No, but it is a plaice.

Summer's here

One Week we had snow on the ground, the next week it was blazing sunshine so lunch down by the riverside was in order.

Ferret Update.

Since my last update, the Ferrets have seen a fair bit of action. On the 19th we travelled to Tooting's £6m stadium on a lovely sunny day. My Dad and Big Steve had chosen this game as one to miss due to other commitments. There choice seemed very wise as at half time we were 4-0 down and saw me reaching for the record books to see if this day would rewrite history with a Ferret record defeat. Fortunately we only lost the 2nd half 2-1 so the record remains. Incidently our record defeat is 6-0.

The crazy thing about the day is that Tooting are by no means the best team I've seen Fleet play against and the Fleet side on the day was by no means the worst Fleet side I've ever seen. Tooting played to a strategy and we never learned our lessons.

Wednesday 23rd saw us lose 2-0 to Eastleigh in another cup semi final. Everyone expected us to get tonked again, but to be fair, this was a far more encouraging performance than the scoreline suggests. Footballs a funny game.

On good friday we faced bottom of the league Croydon in a must win game. We failed to convert any of our chances and ended up drawing 0-0. It's worrying to think about where our next goal will come from. Our main goal threat, in fact our only goal threat, David Ocquaye has a dodgy knee cartilege that pops out at every opportunity. He now requires surgery.

Easter Monday saw another 2-0 defeat to a strong Leatherhead side. This was another encouraging performance we just need to start threatening the goal for a change. I was bag man for the day. Fortunately I only had to tend to one player. Tinoi, Kiwi legend, took a kick to the head. I rushed on the pitch, mopped his brow, took him to the sidelines and asked him a few questions.

Bloo (holding up 3 fingers) - How many fingers am I holding up?
Crowd behind Tinoi - Three
Tinoi (after a brief pause) - Three.
Bloo - Right trit trot, nothing wrong with you.

I'm pleased to report that a brief Bambi on ice impression he completed the game and to my knowledge is still alive today.

Saturday 2nd saw a Ferret win in a crucial relegation battle. With 4 games left (3 of them very tough one) we are 7 points clear of the relegation zone, but crucially there are 7 teams still vying for 1 position, many of them are on very poor runs. Yes even worse than the Ferrets. We should now be secure in this league for next season, but it'll be nice to have that confirmed over the next couple of weeks.

Bobby Davro

In the clubs second club night, they rather ambitiously decided to fork out £1800 to have Bobby Davro (yes he is still alive) entertain us. About 40 of us paid £15 a ticket (you do the maths) and were royally entertained.

He was very quick, very incisive and well worth the £15.

It was also meet the parents night for Nicky which also went well. It was probably helped by Bobby Davro ripping the p1$$ well and truly out of my Mum. She was the brunt of most of the jokes, which she took in excellent spirits. She's no prude, but doesn't really approve of swearing or sexual conotations. Booby reached the line, but didn't cross it.

Again, just a shame there wasn't more there to see it.

England v Azerbaijan.

As I've stated before it's my aim to travel to next years World Cup in Germany. In preparation I've joined the England Supporters club and travelled up to Newcastle to watch the world cup qualifier against Azerbaijan. Having never been to St James Park, it served more than one purpose.

The game itself was as easy win for England as it had appeared on paper. Big Steve threw a sickie and took a couple of days off work to make the trip. Apparently there was a close up of us on the TV, we can only hope that no one from Big Steve's work was watching.

Late Night Radio

The original plan was to spend the night in Newcastle, but that went Pete Tong, so we went there and back in the day, arriving home at 4am on Thursday. The dross on the radio is nearly as bad as the TV. We listened to endless hours of phones ins from total freaks.

One guy was convinced that he had premonition dreams and was upset that his partner put it down to too higher cheese intake. It was all the host could do to stop himself from laughing.

There was the obligatory girl phoning in complaining about still wanting her ex boyfriend who had cheated on her, beaten her up and generally treated her like sh1t. Sounds like you're best rid of him, but I love him. Muppet!

The phone in's culminated in a 2 hour interview with a delusional Jonathan King, who, despite admitting to having sex with 14 year old boys whilst in his 20's and using his influence to bed them, still considers himself not to be a paedophile. My prediction, if he carries on the way he has in his first 2 days out of prison, is that he'll be killed before the year is out.

In other News

My tenants have had twins. That's nice. What's not so nice is that it's neigh on impossible for 4 people, no matter what their sizes, to live in a 1 bed house. Long and short is that it's back on the market.

Indy

Indy Reserves promotion push has faltered somewhat with a draw and a loss in our last 2 games. Promotion is still possible, but unfortunately no longer in our sole hands.

2005-03-17T10:56:00.000Z

Pilsbury Dough Boy

The fun keeps carrying on.

Cup Final Ferrets

On Tuesday night the Ferrets recorded there 3rd winning in a row beating a spirited Arlesford Town (2 divisions below) in the Semi Final of the prestigious Basingstoke Senior Cup. I say prestigious, well it's prestigious in the Basingstoke area. Actually I'm not even sure that that's true.

Hampshire Youth

The Hampshire County Youth side have made it through to the final of the County cup. The Hampshire have been helped no end by the ferrets youth setup, with on occassion 7 ferret representatives.

The final is against Suffolk and is to be played at Portman Road, Ipswich on the 7th May. So Hx that means I won't be going to the egg chasing.

Big Steve's Big Birthday Bash

If you haven't seen the pics then look here BIG STEVES BIG BIRTHDAY BASH PICS

We were out in Guildford, which is always good for a night out, but is such a mission to get to. It's okay I thought. We can stay at the squat and get a direct train from Woking. Wrong, no trains running have to get the bus instead. Eventually we arrived just a little late.

We left at about 11 as I had football in the morning and we had a mission to get back and other such lame excuses. On the walk back from the station I professed my desire for food and Mr Cod's looked ever so inviting. However N had other ideas on seeing the Indian next door. My arm was twisted with the promise that they were still serving alcohol as well Chicken Tikka, Onion bahjis and some spinach goo.

Now I've been in some skanky indians in my time, but this one took the biscuit. Still the food wasn't bad and there were no ill effects the next day. Always a good sign.

Imagine my surprise, tho when I walked past the restaurant the next day to find this.

It's been gutted. Carpets the lot all skipped. I guess we got off lightly.

Can we go Dutch?
Hey, I'm not into any of that kinky shit.

2005-03-14T11:48:00.000Z

Football

Well I was going to do a whole blog whewe I didn't mention football, but since you've taken the pi$$ out of me you can all sit wound and suffew. It's bettew than wwiting nothing, like most of you have done.

The Fewwets have now won 2 in a wow. Fiwstly we beat Havant and Watewlooville 2-0 in the Wussell Coates Cup Quawtew Final and then on Satuwday we beat Banstead Athletic 2-0 to ease ouw welegation wowwies.

It was 2-0 all wound as Indy Wesewves beat Wailway Tavewn by the same scoweline. With a game next week against Blackwatew Albion and games in hand on most of the othew teams, pwomotion is sill a stwong possibility. Hewe's the latest table

Aldewshot and Distwict Sunday League Division 6

Pos Team P W D L F A GD Pts
1 ALDEWSHOT WANDEWEWS 18 16 0 2 80 35 45 48
2 TONGHAM HAWT WESEWVES 18 10 3 5 45 29 16 33
3 INDEPENDIENTE FC WES 16 11 0 5 37 29 8 33
4 PEGASUS 21 10 2 9 68 63 5 32
5 FEWNBEWG SPAWTANS WESEWVES 19 10 1 8 55 39 16 31
6 WHITE HAWT WESEWVES 14 8 1 5 55 32 23 25
7 DYNAMO COVE 14 8 1 5 47 29 18 25
8 FOLLYHILL WANGEWS A 19 8 1 10 48 50 -2 25
9 BEEHIVE 21 7 1 13 42 75 -33 22
10 BLACKWATEW ALBION 15 5 1 9 29 43 -14 16
11 WAILWAY TAVEWN 16 3 3 10 25 54 -29 12
12 AC ALEX WESEWVES 17 1 0 16 21 74 -53 3

I now have a new nickname. The Pilsbuwy Dough Boy.

I think it's a tad hawsh, but I've been fow an induction at the gym. I haven't done anything wash, like subscwibe fow a yeaw. I'm just going to pay as I go.

Did my coaching of the U6's on Satuwday mowning. God it's hawd wowk. I had twouble waising the enthusiam this week. I was concious of doing the same things with the kids week in week out so decided to vawy it fow the benefit of the watching pawents. What followed was a bit of a debacle.

The hawdest things with U6's is getting them to stand in line. Once in line, they take in the instwuctions and seem to get it, but as soon as youw back is tuwned ow they awe waiting fow thewe own go, thewe faces go vacant and they stawt kicking the cwap out of each othew.

I gave up on teaching them anything beneficial and let them play a game. Twouble is they don't undewstand the concept of playing in a team against anothew team ow the concept of scowing a goal. They do undewstand the concept of all in wwestling. I suppose that's a good place to stawt.

The head coach told me aftew the game that next week I can take the oldew kids.

Dweams

Had a couple of vewy vivid dweams wecently. Stwange fow me to dweam at all. One I had the othew night was taking Nicky to the Ideal Home Exhibition. Thewe we met Liz, Emma and Mel fwom my office and did the fowmal intwoductions.

Once done Liz pulled me to one side and infowmed me that following my appwaisal she'd put me in the gold medal band fow achievement.

This suwpwised me no end, as fwankly I've been taking the mick at wowk. I told Liz that I was pleased that she was happy with my pewfowmance and pwomised to keep giving my all and mowe.

Liz's wesponse suwpwised me somewhat. It was, 'I've not put you in that band because of youw pewfowmance, but so you can dust the shelves.'

Appwaisals awe soon upon us. Could be intewesting.

New Game

I while ago I bwought you the game of sticking a sock on a cats head and watching it squiwm. Well in a similaw vain I now bwing you peanut flicking. The wules awe easy. Simply place a cat, pwefewably 'Wed', at one end of the bweakfast baw and place youwself, and a bag of peanuts, at the othew end.

The aim of the game is to flick a peanut fwom one end to the othew and see how many she can stop. Suwe she may take a few blows on the body, but she leawns soon enough to catch mowe than she misses. The bonus fow Wed is that she can eat all the peanuts she stops. We all know how much cats love peanuts.

WND '05

Well I had a good day. Faw to many people don't make an effowt, but I don't have an issue with making a tit of myself.

Office Move

Fwiday also signified ouw office move. Fowtunately Emma has swapped desks with me so my scween isn't available fow all and sundwy to see, but anyone who entews the woom gets a good view of someone's blog. My plan is to build a wall of filing tways to covew my scween. Liz scuppewed this plan when she said that my desk was looking cluttewed and moved my tways. I'll have to think up plan B.

The new office is like a mowgue. It appeaws that the people who alweady occupy the office awe quite busy (that's novel) and didn't appweciate my wendition of Lionel Wichtea's 'Hello' down my phone which was still to be connected. I'll have to knock them into shape.

Bedside table

In wesponse to Hx's wequest a while ago hewe's a view of my bedside table.

I suppose that the football coaching books about sum me up. I have to say that blue tway thing was not my doing and comes couwtesy of my Mum. I'd have it much messiew than that.

2005-03-08T09:14:00.000Z

Ferrets

Made the trip with the Ferrets to Dulwich on saturday. What a place that is to find? It's only 40 miles away, but took about 2 and a half hours. The journey took us through the delights of Wandsworth and Brixton.

It was another bitterly cold day. I'm bored of this weather now. Looking forward to a rise in temperature, at least enough so I can get some sensation back in my extremities.

The game ended in a 1-1 draw which was a good result for us having gone down to 10 men with 25 minutes left to play.

Tonight sees us face a team 2 Divisions above us (Havant and Waterlooville) in the Quarter Finals of the Russell Coates (Mickey Mouse) Cup.

Indy

With both games called off last week it was nice to get out and have a game this week. I was again in the reserves, which I'm happy with, coz I look a good player at this level and we win every week. The first team haven't won a game all season.

The promotion push is now definately on for the Reserves. We currently lie in 5th, but have a number of games in hand over the teams ahead of us.

On Sunday we faced 1 of those teams ahead of us and won 1-0. We now, on paper, seem to have relatively easy fixtures for the rest of March. We face second bottom next Sunday.

That's all for this week folks.

2005-03-03T16:09:00.000Z

Ferrets

It's been rather frustrating being a Ferret of late. Tuesday night we lost 2-0 in the Quarter final of the Aldershot Senior Cup to Alton Town, a team struggling in the division below us.

It was another performance where we dominated possession and territory without really looking like we were going to score.

Still once a Ferret always a Ferret. The worm will turn soon enough.

Big Steve

Some of you may know (well BS at least) that Big Steve has a sore leg. He injured it some months ago walking up a hill (I know!).

Anyway it's still been giving him some jip so he's been to the quack's who has referred him to a Consultant. The consultant is a former RAMC colleague of Mr Bloo. BS asked Mr Bloo what said consultant was like.

BS - 'I've been referred to Doctor *** about my leg. Is he any good?'
Mr Bloo - 'I don't know how he is with legs, he was a gynaecologist in the Army.'

2005-03-01T12:19:00.000Z

Can't believe that I've been back in Blighty for 6 months now.

The New Wembley

Most of you will know that the home football, Wembley, is being rebuilt as we speak. At the old Wembley the fans would walk up 'Wembley Way' from the station to the stadium. A walk that almost evokes many emotions as one approached the grand old stadium.

With the reconstruction moving apace the new 'Wembley Way', in the form of a footbridge, is being built and the London Development Agency are asking for nominations for a new name.

What would you suggest for football and England's spiritual home? Bobby Moore Way? Prehaps even David Beckham Way? How about Sir Alf Ramsey Way?

Well it appears that dark forces are afoot, as currently leading the race is Jim Baxter Way. Jim Baxter was indeed a fine international who put in a number of superb performances at Wembley, but not for England. Jim Baxter was Scottish and leading the campaign are the 'Tartan Army', Scotlands hysterical fans.

How to vote

Office Move

Our office move is impending and we've had to draw straws for who gets which desk. Me being me has pulled the short and ended up with the desk in the middle of the office where everyone can see my screen. So blogging (reading and writing) is going to prove very difficult. Gonna have to find some work to do.

1st Club Night

Since the clubs been renovated we've been a little slow off the mark to arrange a club night. The plan is to have one a month and the first was on Saturday with a James Bond Theme Casino Night. It's fair to say that the night didn't exactly capture the imagination of the paying public, which was a shame because the tickets were free.

It was also a shame because it was a bl00dy good night.

Having to dress myself

Having to dress Big Steve

I'm a little teapot

Halle Berry and Pierce Brosnan

Sean Connery and Jane Seymour

Master of the shaky photo

As you can see Big Steve and I went for it, but were the only one's who did. Still it was the others who missed out.

The night was going well until it was suggested that we return home and have a night cap. At which point the barman suggested that we should just stay at the club for one. It being 00.30 wasn't an issue.

As my half pint of JD, with a dash of Coke (and I mean a dash) was poured, our taxi arrived so I guzzled the JD in seconds. The JD on top of a mix beer, wine and a rather horrible vodka schnapps meant for a short, but traumatic taxi ride.

On arrival at home I found myself in the bathroom, retching in the sink. So for the second time in my life I've made myself sick through Alcohol.

The next thing I remember was a little voice pounding in my head at 6.30 'Stuart, Why did you get in *****'s bed last night?'

'What are you talking about?' You see nothing felt wrong, I sensed the window was on my right and N was on my left, but as I opened my eyes I realized that I was indeed in *****'s.

I have no idea how that happened. Needless to say, after numerous apologies, Sunday was spent on the sofa feeling sorry for myself.

Football News

The Ferrets lost 0-1 to Croydon Athletic. A good game and another one where we failed to take our chances. My notable contribution was stretchering Andy Sinton (former England international), having broken his wrist, in what I now expect to be his final senior appearance.

Independiente Reserves game was called off on Friday, due to the thawing snow. I was called on Saturday to make an appearance for the first team, but that was also called off. Who knows what this week will hold.

More Photo's added

September Archive
October Archive
November Archive
December Archive
January Archive
February Archive

2005-02-25T09:27:00.000Z

2 things arrived in the post for me yesterday.

Firstly my tickets for the England v Azerbijan World Cup Qualifier on 30th March, to be played in Newcastle.

Secondly my entry to the Half Moon Walk. Hx et al, please tell me that yours have arrived as well and that I'm not doing it on my own.

2005-02-23T16:03:00.000Z

I've finally got round to adding some of my America pictures into the right places. So clicks the links and have a peak. This post is mainly for Hx, I know she only likes the pics.

September Archive

October Archive

November Archive

January Archive

There's lots more to follow.

2005-02-21T15:54:00.000Z

My Salacious Secret

Actually it's not very salacious or even a secret, but it is fair to say that I have a new WOMAN in my life. She's definately not a transexual, sorry to shatter your dellusions MTM (you sick puppy).

Her name is Nicola (means I don't have to change any passwords), although she is commonly known as Nicky and definately not Nikki. The distinction is very important.

I met her in Jaxx on a night out with Big Steve, just after saying to him that I've no idea why we bother to come up here as i'm never going to meet anybody. I was rediculously proud of myself that night as I took her phone number and it was all my own work, well apart from Nicky's contribution.

So a couple of months down the line and everythings good. She even tolerates me spending all my time at football and seems to enjoy my constant droning on about 'When I was in ......' and 'This time last year.....'

There said it.

2005-02-21T15:34:00.000Z

Work Sucks

The other day marked the 2 month anniversary of our Xmas Party. In the run up to it you may recall me waxing lyrical about how much I enjoyed where I work and how everything was positive. Well a couple of months on and it's all changed. The change occured during the Chief Executive's dinner speech. The party atmosphere was noticeably flatter afterwards (not that I cared, I was pi$$ed) and really it's all gone downhill from there.

Over the past couple of months we've received numerous contradicting messages about how we will be restructured. The message can change several times a day.

I'm not adverse to change, but I do feel that the goal posts have been changed and this isn't what I signed up for. To add to the conspiracy theory, I'm still waiting to receive my letter confirming that my 3 month probationary period is over. During my probationary period I/They have to give 1 weeks notice, after that its 2 months. I've been here 4 months now. Although nothing has been announced there will undoubtedbly be some cost savings. Do you know Barry?

Freaky Friday

I took the day off work on Friday to travel, with Big Steve and Mr Bloo, to Woolwich to watch the AMS play the Royal Artillery at football. Nothing exciting about that. The AMS lost 5-0, but we went to watch, and heckle, a couple of ferrets who play for the RA.

Woolwich has been the home of the RA since 1716, for all you foreign readers that's a date not a time, but as ever, with the passing of time, the old barracks and grounds are to be sold off and no doubt developed into another featureless monstrosity. Like we haven't got enough of those.

In the evening I managed to lose at 10 pin bowling to a 4 year old. In my defence, it was only by 1 point, he had the bumpers up and one of those ramp thingy's that I aimed for him. I know, poor excuse. and, Yes his Mum did know he was with me.

Coaching

On Saturday morning I again coached the U6's for an hour. I took the slightly less advanced group this week and the difference was noticable.

I did the same drills that I'd done last week and wheras with the more advanced group they picked them up easily the younger guys had far less attention span. I was also on my own this week.

After last week I thought this is easy, now I realise that the sessions will take slightly more planning. Still it's all a learning experience

...... and it snowed.

Ferret Update

On Saturday, the newly added to, football viewing trio took the trip to Bromley, the temporary home of Cray Wanderers. Big Steve and I didn't enjoy our last trip here and we didn't enjoy this one much either.

We failed to compete in the first half and found ourselves 3-0 down, not for the first time this season. The Gaffer made a few changes and a late fightback got us back to 3-2, but really it was too little too late.

and it snowed.

Indy Reserves.

Well the Manager of the first team resigned during the week, leaving both sides a little short. We ended up with a bare 11 made up of fringe players and indeed a ringer who hasn't played for a good few years and has the waist line to prove it.

Hardly ideal preparation for a cup game against a team top of Division 2, when we're 3rd in the 6th Division, especially considering our opponents are undefeated this season and have scored over 50 goals in just 12 games. We were expecting a dicking.

To make matters worse I was pushed into midfield on account of my superior ball play, the managers words not mine. Personally I think it's because I'm the only one willing to run around. More fool me.

What followed proved, in my mind, that I wasn't pushed into midfield for my superior ball play, but for my ability to run around like a blue arsed fly. I chased shadows, I did doggy after doggy, I jockeyed, I competed, I tackled, but did I touch the ball. Did I heckers like!

The 5-0 scoreline flattered us somewhat, it could have been 40, but 5-0 in the circumstances seems almost respectable.

I ended the game with serious aching in my bones, my knees are in pieces, my groin killing me, I've got grass burns all up my left leg and buttocks and a sore back following someones carefully placed knee.

Big test next week as we're back to league action against top of the league. Be nice to win it to keep our promotion hopes on track.

..... and it snowed.

So all in all I had a weekend where it would have been better served, by staying in bed.

VD

On VD I had a call from reception to say that I'd had something delivered. I murmured something like 'She better bl00dy not have' and sure enough when I turned up at the reception she had. Waiting for me was a lovely rose. I was very pleasantly surprised, ever so slightly embarrassed and enjoyed rubbing the noses of the girls in the office in it as they received nothing. Ha!

So you know the other month we had the conversation about nice things that people have done for you, well there's my entry.

So pleased was I, that I even allowed Nicky to buy me lunch and dinner on VD. Chicken Tikka Masala. See I told you I'm Womantic.

2005-02-16T12:10:00.000Z

AAT

I passed my final AAT exam. It was my last opportunity so I'm well chuffed it's finally out of the way. Still got my Project to finish off, before I get the letters after my name. In the meantime no more studying for me (apart from the Level 2 Football Coaching).

As a present to myself I bought myself an IPOD. In justification I reassured myself that I'd sold my bike for more than I expected so that's alright then. Then I remembered that that was my justification for paying for my coaching course. Ho Hum!

Ferret Update

Last night the Ferrets returned to losing ways against a high flying Leatherhead, who are by far the ugliest team I've seen at Fleet in a long time. What a bunch of whingers and they bloody won. Football is supposed to be played on the ground.

The defeat was particularly galling considering the Ferrets took the lead and then conceded one goal to a contentious free kick and another to a blatant handball. To rub salt into the wounds the winner was scored in the third minute of injury time. To add the vinegar there 11 took great delight in confirming he handled the ball and the free kick wasn't a free kick. A defeat is a defeat, but this one was undeserved.

Still that's football and if it wasn't for that then I'd have nothing to write about.

In matters of Love

For me personally, Valentines this year was very successful.

2005-02-14T10:15:00.000Z

Well another weekend goes by and another Ferret win. 2 in 2 now and back up to the heady heights of 16th.

Yesterday I should have staying bed as Independiente were beaten 3-1 in very chilly conditions. Definate snow in the air and only 1c. I did take another 40 yard free kick, which this time our centre forward did get a touch on, so I can only claim an assist.

Saturday morning also saw me take my first Fleet Town Colts Under 6's training session and it all went rather well.

For some reason I took to watching Takeshi's Castle on Challenge TV this weekend. My Dad and I were in stitches. Man those Jap's are crazy as we discovered in NZ, they have no sense of self preservation, but boy does it make funny TV.

Stan the door at the squat is broken now. When I got back on Sunday night there was a little note on the floor. It read :-

"Your neighbour called the police to advise door open. We have checked through Property. No sign of a burglary/damage. Please call 0845 1252222 if any problems. Ref P2371240"

Obviously didn't look in Stan's room then and they could have cleaned the place. The note was written on a Met Police post it and Stan's cuffs are hanging in the kitchen.

No need to worry mate. Nothing has gone. We've had strong winds over the weekend and that obviously blew the door open.

2005-02-09T11:15:00.000Z

Whilst rereading a good portion of my blog a couple of things struck. Firstly, America was where all the action was at and secondly, I really didn't do justice to NZ.

The Ferrets won last night. We beat Ashford 2-0 in a rather scrappy affair. Boy did we need that win. Not just to end our run of losses, but had we lost the game then Ashford would have gone above us, leaving us in a relegation position.

We now need to beat Newport (another struggling side) on saturday to break away from the relegation battle.

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The priest told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the priest ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the priest inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month..." the young man replied sadly.

The priest asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer will-power. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible.... anything to
keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the priest.

"We know" said the young man, hanging his head.

"We're not welcome at Homebase either."

2005-02-07T13:18:00.000Z

I've been meaning to sort through my old entries for some time. Basically the idea being to add the day's away to my early entries, where I was and where I was going. I also wanted to add more photos. So the other day I decided to change all the entries to draft and then that would force me to make the amendments. The reality was that it takes ages to upload all the photos so I'm now going through the painstaking process of publishing all the posts again.

As ever you don't realise how much you're missed until you go away and start receiving all the concerned messages.

So what's new then?

The other day I was coming out of the Squat to go to work in the morning. Nothing unusual there, until I descended the stairs and was faced with a man wheeling a dead body out to a hearse. Now as far as omens go this must be right up there with seeing one magpie or having a black cat cross your path.

I wasn't quite sure where to put myself so opted for the stiff upper lip, this is perfectly normal happenings in my life and bid the porter a good morning.

To understand why someone would be wheeling a dead body around the squats car park at 8.30am, then you have to realize that the Squat is situated above an undertakers, a fact that I only became aware of when Stan told me that he'd flooded out the place whilst using his dodgy washing machine.

I'm not easily spooked and I hadn't given the squats location another thought until the other morning. I knew I was living above an undertakers, but figured that the morgue way have been located elsewhere. I guess I know differently now.

Tuesday night saw the Ferrets win a game. It was only against a rather poor Newbury reserve side in the Mickey Mouse, but a wins a win. Saturday saw us revert to form with a resounding 1-0 defeat at Bashley. A fact that's all the more galling considering we murdered 'em, but just couldn't convert owe domination. Surely a string of wings is just round the corner.

I've now sold my Motorbike on Ebay. It eventually went for £1500 after some frantic last minute bidding. Well chuffed with that considering I only paid £1400 for it 2 years ago. It is a nice bike tho. The chap came round on Saturday has paid a deposit and will be collecting the bike tonight.

World Cup 2006 tickets were released last week and you all know that I've expressed my intention to see a World Cup finals. It is possible to get tickets to follow one team (or the winner of the fixtures from the ties) through the group stages and all the way to the final. That'll cost you £500, but involves taking a month off work.

Having consulted my World Cup guru, Hawaii Dave, it's been decided that we're going to go the middle 2 weeks of the finals, taking in 6 group matches and 2 Round of 16's, travelling to each of the 8 world cup venues. Sound's ideal to me. We'll see what happens.

On Saturday night we went to Beepy's at Lakeside in Frimley. Owned by Bob Potter, the biggest pikie going, but hasn't he done well for himself. Beepy's wasn't as bad as I imagined it was going to be, it was a bit of a Bag's Ball, but it was nice for once not to feel old. The company helps.

I did meet Stevie Southam in there. Stevie plays football for the Army Medical Services, the team my Dad is president off. You may also remember that that's the team that I went to South Africa with in 2003. Well this year they are off to California, my Dad included. Stevie was trying to convince me to come aswell. I'd love to, but can't see it happening.

I made my return for Independiente on Sunday, slotting straight back in to Right Back. Having had 3 weeks out of the action I was knackered after the first 10 minutes. We got over the rough patch and came in 3-0 at half time.

For the second half I was switched to Right Wing Back and the gaffer informed me that they were going to work my ar$e like it's never been worked before. What proceeded was a barrage of friendly banter screaming at me to get up the line, then get back and defend. Up and down I was all second half.

I got called a fat %^& twice whilst on the pitch. I had a couple of tete a tete's with there players. For some reason I was on a mission yesterday and upset a couple of them. I didn't mind getting called a names, coz you should have seen his haircut and we won 8-1. There goal was sooooooo offside aswell.

Oh yeah I scored a 30 yard free kick as well, which somewhat generously (I feel) has been described as a 40 yard free kick, by our chairman. Unfortunately my new fan club failed to see the goal.

Here's an the chairman's E Mail.

'Morning All,

What a fantastic game yesterday and a great improvement on last week. 8-1 I
believe is our biggest ever win. Lets build on this again next week when we
play Dynamo Cove.
We are now 3rd in the league (on our own not joint). Fernberg n Tongham
drew this week, Dynamo lost to FollyHill so they will be well and truly up
for it this weekend.
Congrats to Mr Reeves on scoring his 1st goal for IFC with a wonderous 40
yrd free kick.

Anyone who hasn't given me their MoM vote can you please do so, so we can
update stats.'

I'm so proud

2005-01-31T13:32:00.000Z

I was set loose on my own in London the other day to attend a meeting. I surprised and impressed myself when I was able to answer all the questions and even sound knowledgable in the process.

Saturday was Day 3 of the coaching course. Nothing worries me in the slightest about these sessions. I love going to them. It helps alot when I'm passionate about the subject matter.

The format for the day was a practical training session first thing, followed by a written exam. Although the exam was harder than I expected I still achieved 62 out 62. I've never, I repeat never, got 100% in any exam before.

Saturday afternoon I made it to the Ferrets v Walton and Hersham. It was the same hard luck story of poor refereeing and finishing that cost us another 3 points. It's all getting rather tedious now.

On Sunday I had my external Assessment for my Coaching Course which I passed, so I'm now officially a Level 1 Football Coach. I've signed up for my Level 2 course which begins in May.

Finally Independiente (my Sunday team) lost in the Cup Semi Final. What a bunch of Muppets. I can't believe it. My chance at another medal has been ruined. Still we're 4th in the league and have a chance of some silverware there. I'll be back in action next weekend.

Apart from all that life goes on. Some form of normality will be restored this week, after a rather hectic schedule.

2005-01-27T20:19:00.000Z

We've had a couple of training days at works. The MA's from Ellesmere Port and Nottingham have come down to spend a few days discussing how we can help out with the integration into the Government Services Business. It appears that I'm going to be spending some of time in Trowbridges, Bedford, Hertford, Oxford, Westminster, Salford, basically all over the bloody shop.

Anyway I don't want to talk shop, but I do want to talk about Terri's post Xmas detox. It involves no coffee or alcohol, which although tough, sound fair enough for a detox. Where she's let herself down is by eating Ice Cream Sundaes and shortbread and Cadbury's mini heroes.

When Liz (my boss) is out of the office Mel, Emma and I normally treat ourselves to a lunchtime trip to Woking as the girls like a bit of shopping. I just go for the Pizza Hut express. We normally take a few liberties, with Liz out of the office, and our 45 minute lunch break extends to just over the hour.

I've felt bad about this, but now I need worry no more. On Monday Liz came along to. Upon agreeing an RV, some hour after arriving in Woking (a 15 min drive), we headed in our separate directions.

I, in true man style, had a few things to buy and 15 minutes later had spent £120 on Football Boots and Trainers, A new shirt and top and a pizza. I returned to the car at said time and was left waiting a further 15 minutes, the girls eventually sauntering along, empty handed.

I don't know how they did it, but they managed to spend 1 hour and 15 minutes looking, not buying, but looking at handbags. They then proceeded to spend the whole afternoon saying 'I liked that purple one', or 'I wish I'd bought that'.

Shopping talk comes as a blessed relief. The other day we tried to have a conversation about football. I have to say that I didn't instigate the conversation, I never do with non believers. The girls wanted to show there, somewhat limited, knowledge of the beautiful game. And that my friends is why I'd rather talk about shopping. At least then they know what they're talking about.

The other day the hoover in the squat started making a funny noise (I know what you're thinking). I proceeded to empty it and take it apart. It's a purple Dyson DC04 which rather handily has those luminous green clips that take off all the hoses. Inside I found, a pen, a fizzy bottle top, some tablets, some matchsticks and lots of fluff. No wonder it was making a funny noise.

2005-01-24T19:38:00.000Z

The First Aid Course started quite sensibly

Got a little sillier

and Deteriorated from there.

Isn't she lovely?

Hm?

Another night in Jaxx

2005-01-22T18:13:00.000Z

I'm a Night Owl and a Early Bird

Well it's been a strange last week for me. Last Tuesday I started a 4 day First Aid at Work Course and I spent my weekend on the Football Coaching course. So Monday's come round again, it feels like ages since I've been in the Office, but I don't feel like I've had a weekend and I haven't rested.

So after 4 days of wearing rubber gloves and kissing rubber dolls, I'm now officially a competent First Aider. I've already had to treat my first paper cut this morning. It was actually a very interesting course and I feel confident that if my services are required then I'll be able to do the business.

So onto the coaching course. Having just spent the previous 4 days on a first aid the first morning of the coaching course was, yep you've guessed it, first aid. Fortunately they asked if any of us were qualified first aiders. I put my hand up and he said, "Is it current?". "Yep, yesterday actually." Fortunately they didn't ask me to show my skills and just asked me to make sure that everyone else was doing it correctly.

The afternoon was again spent in classroom going over Child Protection. It sad that this needs to be spelled out, but I suppose that that just shows the way the world is today. So Day 1 of the course over and not a football in sight, but fortunately all the balls ache was out of the way.

Day 2 again started in the classroom, but pleasingly it was now on a subject that we were interested in: The theory behind a coaching session. In the afternoon we finally got out on the pitch where Dave (our coach) took us through a couple of the standard drills. We then had to take the group through a drill that we'd been given. Never having done any coaching or the like before, I was wondering how it would go. Fortunately the bossy and shouty side (yes I can be) of me came out. I was straight into issuing the instructions, doing the demo, adding progressions and finally debriefing them.

It seemed to go well, everyone got on with it and nobody collided. Dave concured and gave me an even harder drill to take next Saturday. I know it's hard because the diagram has so many cones and balls and players that they are all a bit of a blur. This week I shall mainly be watching the video. Have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed Sundays sessions after the necessarily boring Saturday.

So next weekend we have more practise on the Saturday morning, followed by a written exam (the bonus is I get to watch the Ferrets). Then on Sunday we have a Practical Assessment after which I should have a Level 1 Certificate in Football Coaching.

So why am I doing this? Well primarily coz I love football and in an ideal world someone would pay me £75k a year to work in football. I'm not really too sure where it's going to lead and took the course to improve my knowledge and understanding of the game. Realistically where it'll lead I know not. As ever it depends on opportunities, but I can see it either being a weekend and evening hobby, a job as a PE teacher/football coach, or a job on foreign shores, where people are crying out for coaches. We'll just have to wait and see.

Last night I put on some of those faded jeans. Not a big fan of the faded arse and legs look, but they're in my wardrobe so I feel I should wear them. On seeing them my Dad turned to my Mum and said 'God, he does realise that he's nearly 30?' Cheers Dad.

2005-01-19T17:53:00.000Z

Since Christmas I've become much happier with my life in England. This is for a number of reasons.

Firstly I'm much happier with my role with the Ferrets. We all know that I love football, prehaps a little too much, but there's no doubt that it influences my mood.

Since having my conversation with the chairman, I'm now happy with my part in the club. Basically I can bitch like a supporter and also get the opportunity to tell the Manager how I think he should do things.

The second aspect that football plays in my life is playing on a Sunday. I'm loving this. Enough said.

Thirdly I start my coaching course this Saturday.

My intentions this year with regards to holidays is to go and watch England play home and away, and no I'm not a football hooligan. It should be good tho as it involves trips to Copenhagen, Belfast, Cardiff, Newcastle and Manchester. Hang on a minute.

Despite impending changes at work, I'm looking to get more into the swings of things. I've breezed my way through the first few months and quite frankly I've been taking the piss. I know intend to make a play for more responsibilites and to have a proper chat with my boss, about my abilities and aspirations.

It's also helped me alot to move into the Squat. It's been nice to have my own space, away from the folks and to only have a 10 minute journey to work.

In short I've started to look at my life in England as if the glass is half full. I'm pleased I know so much more now than I did 18 months ago, and I realise I've always got options (that's important).

I suppose I'm saying that I haven't made any decisions or firm plans about where my future lies, I just have a number of paths open to me.

2005-01-17T08:46:00.000Z

Not much been happening this weekend!

The Ferrets lost 1-0 to second bottom in the League. Bad!

Indy won 5-0. That's 7 wins in a row. Good!

So all round it was a good weekend, with some bad moments.

2005-01-13T15:24:00.000Z

Of late I've been complaining that my knees are aching.

My boss asked me if it was from begging to girls down Jaxx.

That's very unfair, its clearly wear and tear from playing football.

2005-01-12T11:41:00.000Z

Last night I got back to the squat at about 22.30 after football training and feeding and cleaning myself at Mum’s. I had a quick check online and at 23.00 there was a knock at the door. I opened it and there was a little Thai girl standing in an ickle top, short skirt and big boots. About 5 feet behind her there was a rather large gentleman.

Bloo – ‘Hello’
Thai Girl – ‘Fred?’ (name changed to protect the innocent)
Bloo – ‘Erm, no’
(pause a little bit flustered)
Bloo – ‘He lives upstairs’
Thai Girl – ‘Ah, Fank you’
Large gentleman – ‘Cheers Fella’

I now feel that I know more about ‘Fred’ than I’m comfortable with. I’m never gonna be able to look him straight in the eye.

So while ‘Fred’s’ doing the business what does the large gentleman get up to? Does he make himself comfortable, watch TV and drink beer?

Stan is there anything else you haven’t told me about the squat? I thought you were going to leave me a list.

Your list should have read :-

Heating timer in the airing cupboard.
Watch out for the cooker, the doors a bit dodgy.
Radiator in the hall doesn’t work. In fact it hasn’t been attached to the wall for 2 years.
When using the washing machine don’t forget to turn the water on. Not too much though or else you’ll flood out the undertakers beneath, like I’ve done 3 times before.
The bathroom sinks blocked.
Oh and BTW the bloke upstairs is a bit partial to hookers.

I’ve now put a sign up on the front door. It reads:-

‘High Class Hookers Only!’

2005-01-10T11:55:00.000Z

It’s just struck me that we’re now into 2005. That means that I’ll be 30 this year and starting another decade. For some reason that scares the hebbe gebbe’s out of me.

On Friday night I was went out with Big Steve and Char to Jaxx for an anti biotic fuelled drinking binge. At 99p a drink it’s rude not to.

I was staying at my folks, but I finally walked in the door at 7.40.

Dad said “Oh, you decided to come home then?” I mumbled something about staying at a friend’s house.

Mum complained that she had been awake since 1.30, partly because of the wind and mainly because she knew I hadn’t come home.

They didn’t ask any questions so I didn’t feel the need to explain myself.

As Hx has mentioned on her Blog, we were lashed with storms on Saturday morning. Everyone was complaining about being woken in the wee small hours. I wasn’t coz I was still awake.

So having got in at 7.40 I was down the football club for 10 for a 10 hour day.

You may recall that Saturday was due to be the biggest day in the Ferret’s history. As it turned out we had a tremendous crowd of 1336 and the whole day was a great success although we lost 3-1, again conceding 3 sloppy goals.

The calm before the storm. Calthorpe Park looking its best

The storm

In a rather generous gesture (I feel), the ferrets have agreed to donate 10% of the gate receipts, about £800 to the Tsunami Relief. We also had a whip round in which we collected £228.43.

Saturday was also FA Cup 3rd Round day. I remember saying last year how much I missed not being in the country for this day. It is, for me, by far the best day in football. By that I mean better than any cup final.

In what other competition could you find teams like Exeter and Yeading, playing against the might of Man United and Newcastle.

Both teams are there on merit, Yeading having won 6 games, just to get to the 3rd round. It’s all down to the luck of the draw.

Exeter managed a 0-0 draw at Old Trafford and Yeading battled well in a narrow 2-0 defeat, by a full strength Newcastle side who are 123 places above them, spanning 8 leagues. Who said romance is dead?

Thank god Sunday morning was slightly warmer than Saturday. I really wasn’t looking forward to playing football this weekend, having over indulged at Xmas and not done any fitness.

It was the same for both sides and led to a turgid affair, even more turgid than normal for Sunday football. Lethargy and attrition are 2 words that spring to mind.

We won 2-0; wish annoyed the opposition, Tongham, no end. They were in 2nd position and hoping to get promoted.

The game again descended into violence when there No.9 decided to take a lump out of our No. 6’s leg. It was born out of frustration, with a full back swing, totally off the ball; right in front of the ref and quite possibly the stupidest sending off I’ve ever seen. It’s to his credit that our No. 6 didn’t react, especially when he’s not known for his cool head.

So we have now won our last 6 games and are soaring up the league. A bottom league which we’ve never been out of. The Cup Semi Final’s in 2 weeks which unfortunately I’ll miss, due to taking my coaching course. Gutted!

2005-01-09T21:01:00.000Z

I can see clearly now

2005-01-07T14:20:00.000Z

It's tradition for us all to go down the Claremont for lunch on a Friday. The Claremont is a "Q's" and serves cheap and tasty food, but the service is absolutely crap which always provides good entertainment.

Today Steve had the American Burger, Leila had Cajun Chicken salad, Tracey went for scampi and chips, Mandie opted for Gammon Steak and chips, Emma had a chip buttie, Mel had wedges and I had the cajun chicken and chips.

Steve's arrived missing onion rings, Tracy had no peas, Mandie only got one egg, Emma's (the simplest of the lot) didn't turn up at all and Mel had no sauce. Mine and Leila's were fine, apart from having to beg for condiments.

So one after the other we took great delight in sending the bar girl trundling off back to the kitchen to fetch the forgotten items. When the items were returned no one ate them.

Mel's got my Man Flu and can't taste anything. Emma's buttie eventually came out smothered in Tommy K, which she doesn't like. Mandie's extra egg was runny. Tracy was too full to eat the peas and Steve was just being a bugger and not eating his onion rings.

Will we be back. Yes of course.

Jaxx tonight. I'm gonna have to stick with shandy. I'm on huge antibiotics and had a couple of beers the other night and felt a little squiffy. Doesn't sound conducive to binge drinking tonight. Plus I've got a big game tomorrow.

2005-01-05T18:17:00.000Z

Statement from the FA

An FA spokesman after the game absolved the linesman of any responsibility for the apparently mistaken decision not to award a goal to Spurs after a shot from the halfway line crossed the goal line by at least a meter.

"The shot came in from an unusual distance and as such caught the linesman out of position forcing him to race back towards the goal as the play developed", explained the spokesman, "As he ran, the United scarf he was wearing under his shirt came loose and fluttered up into his face obscuring his view and preventing him from making the call. It was just one of those things."

In response to further questions from the Press the spokesman explained "If they don't already have a United tattoo most officials on game day try to wear a scarf or a replica shirt under their regulation kit to show their support for the worlds greatest club. The linesman in this case had chosen to wear a United scarf, a common choice that is in keeping with FA guidelines. The root cause of the problem lies not with the linesman but with the players and management of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club who Broke one the most important unwritten rules of the English FA: They placed a shot on target at Old Trafford. Martin Jol is new to this country and perhaps is not yet familiar with some of our finer traditions. Fortunately if he doesn't yet understand that for the greater good of the game visiting teams, by tradition, are not expected to try to score at Old Trafford then our officials are in a position to help Mr Jol make that cultural adjustment."

Chuckling to himself the FA spokesman added "The goal had to be disallowed to avoid us descending down a slippery slope that would be bad for the national game. It's a fine line the officials have to walk. If they award a goal this week, next week someone might expect a penalty or ask that Van Nistleroy be booked for diving. Can you imagine? That would just never Do. No no no. Shocking, just the thought of it."

See not even close

2005-01-05T15:54:00.000Z

I moved into Stan's over the weekend. Briggsy and I spent some time cleaning it and everything's begining to look orderly now, apart from breaking the cooker and the washing machine. You won't recognise the place, by the time you get back Stan.

It's been so nice waking up at 8 and still being in work for 8.30.

I did have a strange nights sleep last night. I don't normally dream but last night I did, twice.

In the first one I dreamt I was in a beachfront shop, in Krabi, when the tsunami struck. I got crushed up against the back wall and only managed to escape by breaking the window on a side door before swimming out.

The second dream was equally cheery. I was at the back of a plane, with my parents, as it crashed into the sea. The pilot didn't warn us, but I saw the crash coming, so was at the front of the plane and escaped as soon as we hit the water. Then I watched from the outside as the plane filled up with water, remembering that my Mum can't swim, but at least I was alright.

I've no idea what those dreams say about me. Can't be good tho.

Today's blog may now take a on bit of a football theme, but at least it's more interesting than my love life (actually it probably isn't).

The Ferrets have started a tough (they're all tough for the ferrets) run of games with 2 2-0 defeats. First on New Years Day we lost to Burgess Hill and then on the 3rd to Yeading. Yes, the Yeading, that are playing Newcastle in the FA Cup this Sunday.

We played them in the League Cup and they are currently top of the division above us. By all accounts we should have been slaughtered, but I think we equitted ourselves very well and were very unfortunate to lose, conceding a needless penalty and a second whilst we were chasing an equalizer.

So one week Yeading are faced with the mighty Lee Paul, Josh Francois, Tinoi Christie and Phil Archbold and next week they're facing some herberts like, Patrick Kliuvert, Craig Bellamy, Laurent Robert and Alan Shearer. No comparison really.

BTW - the Sky cameras were at the game so look out for some footage of the Ferrets in the leadup to the televised FA Cup game. Admittedly we probably won't be shown in our best light.

Whilst Yeading are playing in there biggest ever game, the Ferrets will be hosting our biggest ever game. We entertain AFC Wimbledon and are expecting a crowd in excess of 1200. Don't laugh, but our average gate is around 180 and our record all time gate in 1090 when we played Coventry City in a friendly back in the 80's.

AFC Wimbledon have recently lost 2 league games having not lost for 70 odd games. The Ferrets haven't regained our early season form since losing to them earlier in the season. Here's hoping for a good day.

So my second football related topic is the Man United v Spurs game last night. Did anyone see it? I bet you did Veasey.

It's been well known in football that referees tend to favour the home team or the more fancied team. I've said it for a number of years that the Ferrets never seem to get the rub of the green from the officials.

No venue, however, makes officials lose there backbone more than Old Trafford. With the noise of the crowd and the incessant whinging of the United players whenever a decision goes against them (rarely) it's little wonder.

Last nights game was a classic case in point. Spurs played like absolute trojans up against 11 players, 3 officials and 67,000 clones (i mean fans) and earned a very creditable point, but it could and should have been so much more.

With 85 minutes gone the United Keeper (Roy Carroll) fluffed his clearance. It landed at Pedro Mendes feet, who tried a lob from 40 yards out, Carroll got back on his line but fumbled his catch, dropping the ball 2 yards behind his goalline, before scrambling it away. Inexplicably the linesmen and Referee claimed not to have seen it, even tho the rest of the world had.

This may smack slighty of sour grapes to you guys, but this is the worst decision I think I've ever seen in football. In every match you get a few contentious decisions, but what makes this worse is that there was nothing even remotely dubious about this. It was clearly a goal. Even Sir Alex (not known for his impartiality) said that Spurs could justifyably feel robbed.

Over the season these decisions tend to even themselves out, but just for a minute consider the implications of Spurs missing out on 2 extra points and Man United gaining 1 point. It may mean Spurs not qualifying for Europe or United winning the Premiership. Life's full of what if's. This is what makes football a great game and gives us all something to talk about.

On a final note. It is truly shocking whats happened out in Asia with the Tsunami, but how come minutes silences have now stretched to 3 minutes.

2005-01-02T19:45:00.000Z

Mum's Pavlova, 'Better than a colonic'

Aldershot is steeped in history (mainly Military) and frankly that is all it's got going for it.

I haven't been over that way for ages and I can't tell you how pleased I was to see that Wellington's Statue, by the Military church, has finally been restored to it's true glory.

The last time I ventured up the mound he was in a shocking state. Pigeon shit everywhere and the trees and shrubs had taken control. That's the way he remained until recently.

I said when I saw his shocking state, way back when, that we really should do something about getting him repaired. We never, but thankfully somebody else did.

Here he is looking splendid again. Apologies for the poor quality of the pics. At least they're not fuzzy.

I find New Year's a very reflective time. It's a day that I like to spend with friends and not with a bunch of sweaty strangers. Big Steve was going up Jaxx so that ruled him out. I find myself searching for distractions on this day more than any others.

Despite the huge success of my 2004, I do wonder what 2005 has in store for me.

Thankfully Hx had a free house and some nibbles and some rather tasty, but slighty dodgy Rum punch. I arrived early to put my nuts in a bowl. By 7.30 half the punch had gone, frankly so had Hx and I and still there was no sign of the other contestants Mx, Briggsy and the lovely Angie.

When they arrived we had 6 hours of piss taking (at my expense) and a few games. The sticker on your head one, which I was crap at. How the hell am I supposed to get 'Rampant Rabbit'? We also played the chocolate game and I don't even like chocolate.

Hm

That's Art

How do I look

The Chocolate game

The Lovely Angie

Why me

I don't even Like Chocolate

Moi, A cheat!

The Forum Chav's

It's fair to say I had a good Old Years night and here to a good 2005 to one and all.

2004-12-30T18:00:00.000Z

I felt particularly under whelmed in the run up to this Xmas. It's really a time for kids.

I've always enjoyed buying presents, but am pretty bad at receiving them. It was with a sense of relieve when I woke up on Xmas morning to relatively few presents. Those that I did receive were very nice. Special mention to Santa who this year bought my new boxers and socks from Ben Sherman and not M&S. That must have been very hard for you Mrs Bloo. Wot no Oor Wullie tho. What I enjoyed most, was buying the few presents that I did buy.

The best thing about this time of year is the extra football fixtures. The premiership wooses are complaining. Well spare a thought for the ferrets who play the same fixtures, but don't get paid £90k a week for the privilege. Shame the Ferrets game was called off on the 27th.

I'm pleased Briggsy decided to hijack our Xmas and Boxing Day. It relieved the tedium somewhat. Hopefully she'll blog on what an amusing Xmas we had. For 3 reasons really. 1 she's a far better story teller than I, 2 she'll remember most of it and 3 I was drunk for most of it.

The funnies that I do remember are these:-

Mr Bloo - Look at all this bubble wrapping and it's only come from next door.

Mrs Bloo - Who the hell would buy me hefty sacks?
Briggsy - You might need to open that box as well.
Mrs Bloo - Oh yeah look, some nice wine glass markers.

Mr Bloo - Hm I think the Xmas puddings burnt.
Mrs Bloo - What makes you think that?
Mr Bloo - It's smoking.
Mrs Bloo - Oh yeah and it's stuck to the tin. It's okay tho, we've got trifle.
Bloo and Briggsy - Great, coz we're still hungry. (sarcasm doesn't really come across in writing).

Briggsy - That trifle is really alcoholic.
Mrs Bloo - It's grannies recipe.
Bloo - Yeah and she's been dead 2 years.

Briggsy trying the witch hazel stick as a lypsyl and then complaining about the taste.

Got the bike going today. I don't want to sell it, I want to ride it, but I have to sell it :-(

What's going on in the world? How enjoyable is it to watch England play cricket at the moment. They are undefeated in Test Matches in 2004 and they're 9th test win in a row was only scuppered by some rather dodgy rules on playing in bad light.

Having been on the wrong end of proceedings for the 1st 2 days, we somehow clawed ourselves back into the game. It was thoroughly absorbing and gone are the days of Englands weak under belly (hopefully).

The real test will be the Ashes next year. I've got tickets for the 5th day of the 5th test. If it goes down to that then it'll be an incredible series.

In other news. I've booked myself on a football coaching course. Step 1 on my plans.

2004-12-29T16:34:00.000Z

Today Big Steve and I retrieved my bike.

2004-12-26T23:01:00.000Z

So not only did she hijack Xmas Day, she decided to take me shopping on Boxing Day and still she's here.

No such thing as too much fluorescence

Look this pot matches my outfit.

Freeze! It's the filth.

Who put that there.

That's art that is. Slow shutter speed, wavy hand, no flash and 10 attempts. Changed it into sepia and love it.

2004-12-26T11:59:00.000Z

No explanations just pictures

2004-12-24T10:26:00.000Z

Snot Update - Copious and colourful.

Dragged myself into work today for Secret Santa and Party. Mum's made a pavlova. Looks lovely, shame I don't eat them.

The silly season is upon us. Heard this on the radio today.

'Are Penguins exclusive to the South Pole’

‘No they’ve got them at Regents Park Zoo.’

The Radio 5 Presenters have recorded a version of Band Aid. Heard a snippet and it sounds truly awful. Must hear the full rendition on Xmas Day, plus they have a festive edition of Fighting Talk.

Did you hear that a British couple are the first married couple to reach the South Pole unaided. Imagine the arguments over directions on that trip.

You know how you listen to someone explaining something and you’re listening so intently that you mishear them. Well the other day I heard that ‘Liz’ is Hebrew for the oaf of God.

I guess that it just leaves me to wish you all a merry xmas for you and yours.

2004-12-22T15:06:00.000Z

Did I ever say that I love where I work?

This morning I woke up feeling utterly lousy. Lack of Sleep caused by sore throat, blocked nose and general aching.

It takes alot to get me down, but I did contemplate not going to work.

As it happens the drive to work was a blur of snot and tissues. The chances of making it through the day weren't good.

Having seen the state of me, Em offered me Ibuprofen.

I'm a reluctant pill taker at the best of times. I prefer to suffer in silence, but that ibuprofen is good sh1t. Perked me up no end. I was still the snot monster, but in general things were looking rosier.

After lunch a hacking cough started. Liz joked that I should go home, only she wasn't joking.

So reluctantly I was dragged to my car and sent on my way, with the message to make sure I was better for the buffet and secret santa's on Friday.

It's true that you recover quicker with rest (I've got 15 days rest after Fri), but I didn't feel that bad. Despite my protestations they didn't believe me. So here I am sat at home, feeling like a fraud all over again. What a cool boss tho!

2004-12-19T11:42:00.000Z

Just a general catch up really.

Here's some recent office Tat that I've received

More Tat this time from NYC

Tower Bridge Tat

The other day at Tower Bridge I thought it'd be nice to get one of those stretched pennies for Lucas. This is how it came out compared to how it should have come out.

Dodgy Pennies

The machine made a token attempt at stretching the penny and failed miserably. In the process it had flattened the queens head and not replaced it with the bridge. All that for a £1.

Had a startling revelation at work today. Went over to group finance to discuss a few issues and they admitted that the Bank Rec hasn't been done since July and currently stands at 17000 lines. A Bank Rec in a company this size should be done daily. I'd love to get my teeth into it, but thankfully I work in a business stream or at least did.

Bloo (trying to give directions to Thornton Heath) - "Do you know where the A23 is?"
Mel - "No"
Bloo - "Do you know where the Purley Way is?"
Mel - "No"
Bloo - "Do you know where Ikea is?"
Mel - "Yes"

Someone said to me 'I'd rather have hot needles poked in my eyes'
Trouble is I heard it as 'I'd rather have Pot Noodles poked in my eyes'

On Tuesday night Big Steve and I took the trip to Bromley to watch another Ferret defeat. Nothing much of any substance to report other than us seeing the house that takes the biscuit in the OTT Xmas Light display in my book. They were so gordy it was untrue and the chav's parked at odd angles to get a peak. Oh, but weren't they pretty.

Even with a good home support Bromley's ground has to be one of the eeriest grounds that I've been to. It was terraced all round, which at our level is very rare, shame it was all crumbling. Needs a face lift.

On the way back we had the age old debate of who makes the best fries. For me it's Burger King, then KFC (real potatos provided they are cooked right) and Maccy D's coming up last as ever. As for Burgers the Wimpy Quarter Pounder is always winner. I pulled that out of the bag, it's one Burger that I have to eat with a knife and fork. 2nd is the BK Bacon Double Cheeseburger (even if they do reheat them in a microwave). 3rd would be the Big Mac. Your thoughts please.

My non take away eating is going rather well in the main. I'm certainly eating a lot less than I did before I left.

At the Xmas party Mel said to me 'You're so sweet and nice and different.'

My response was "Well that's great, but would you sleep with me?"

Don't get me wrong. I like being different. I like talking about how I feel. There's no need to play games. The way I am, distinguishes me from the riff raff. I wasn't trying it on, i was just make a point (which point I'm not sure).

I should just clarify my relationship with Mel. She's attractive and young, so not my type. We do enjoy a good chat and she takes an interest in everything that I'm up to. We're more like siblings really. I'd be her annoying brother.

She's so in love with her boyfriend. He whisks her off to New York for her birthday and buys her Gucci handbags for Xmas.

I shouldn't single her out. All the girls are top banana. I'm very
fortunate.

As a parting shot to the MD, we (the finance team) wrote an 'Ode to Jeff' in his leaving card. Here it is:-

There once was a welsh man with a beard,
Who when he got older had it sheared,
He spent all his time,
To keep us in line,
And he's leaving as we'd feared.

He feeds us chocolate roses,
In his flash car he poses,
He eats tuna lunch,
Thinks we're a strange bunch,
But okay in small doses.

Things here won't be the same,
We'll have no one to blame,
Good luck on your travels,
Hope no Loses unravel,
We'll miss you it's a real shame.

Not quite I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue standards, but not bad for a bunch of beancounters.

On Saturday I took the 3 aussie kids to Spurs as a treat. They needed to see a real game.

I've always promised to take Briggsy to see Spurs, after she announced she was a closet Spurs fan on our first meeting at the Trots. I'm sure we discussed football on our first meeting? I saw this as an ideal opportunity to get Briggsy along, but apparently she doesn't like kid's (?!?!).

Big Steve was next on the list, but said he couldn't afford it, even tho I said the tickets were paid for. Then came various random people i've handed my number out to in clubs in the vain hope of finding love. I failed, so I got Hx in as 14th reserve, thankfully she said yes and was very happy. She won't find out she was 14th reserve coz she only looks at the pictures. She needed to see a proper man's game.

For there first experience at a football match the kids couldn't have asked for more. We had a young and enthusiatic side out who passed the ball to death and won 5-1. What a difference a few weeks makes.

I wish I could say the same about my first trip to the Lane. We lost 2-1 to Man City in Aug 1985 and the locals rioted to get the manager sacked. My dad had to stand over me in shop door front. It didn't bother me. I was hooked. I'd been hooked for years.

At the end of the game Hx managed to get us into the Players Lounge for a cup of tea. We were supposed to get into Trophy Room, but I think they'd mislaid the trophy.

In the evening we had to hot foot it to Earls Court to break my concert cherry. This is my first. Hx's first was The Smiths at Margate 21 years ago. I have to say Morrissey was superb, but the choice of songs was a little disappointing. The youngsters love the new stuff, but for me (ever the purest) his early songs and 'The Smiths' are where it's at.

He was great

Token Train home shot

Non gurning Stan, for Coffee Waffle

My favorite Smiths lyrics are these. I think they rather sum up my clubbing experiences.

There's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die.

Huge crowds upon leaving the court. I have to say it's quite disconcerting having Stan behing you in a crowd. 'Stan, is that your hand?'

Got back to the centre of the universe and lo and behold there were no taxis. It was pi$$ing it down so I decided to run. Took me 25 mins and I normally walk it in 20 mins. Think I need to work on my fitness and I will as soon as I get out of this house.

We've had a few tears at work recently. My boss was told that her job is in the balance and is likely to be offered a role elsewhere (that she doesn't want) or to be demoted due to the restructure. All our jobs are at risk, mind who's job is safe. The 4 of us in here are of the same opinion. Basically we wouldn't work here if it wasn't such a good laugh and it wouldn't be the same without any of us. It all makes the job worthwhile to get to. For me NZ gets closer, for Liz her own company gets closer and Mel and Em will need to move on at some stage anyway. We've all adopted the same 'Fcuk em'attitude. I've had it for some time.

Thankfully they have forgiven me for my display at the Xmas Party. My best moment of the evening (it's been decided) was my rendition of Oops up totally out of sync with the rest. After it had ended I couldn't stand up so lay in the middle of the dancefloor (jesus on the cross style) until rescued. Apparently the list of my best moments was long and not very distinguished, but good value.

Today I've tried to cheer them up with Xmas songs. I do the harmonies especially to 'Mistletoe and Wine'. My favorite is 'I'm dreaming of a sh1te christmas.'

2004-12-18T19:04:00.000Z

Got this as a Xmas card from Darren today. He'd personalised one for us all. Not alot of work on then!

2004-12-18T09:26:00.000Z

I was in such high spirits about my Xmas Do, that I decided to start a day early. A couple of the guys were coming down from up north and were spending the night in Reading. I'd offered to go out for a drink with them. I didn't want the hassle of a train ride (I have to go to North Camp for that) and a taxi is well expensive and quite frankly the thought of going out for the night and drinking coke didn't really appeal. So I booked myself into there hotel.

In high spirits we met one of Darren's school friends in a bar, then went for a curry and finally ended up in Reflex (an 80's bar, not the Gay bar). Eventually getting in at 1.30. The pics will tell the story.

Darren and Terri

Darren fell of his chair in the Curry House

It's unfair bringing out photos of NZ on a night out.

Why are you looking at me funny.

Reflex is this kind of place

Hm Genius!

My immediate thoughts on waking up at 7.30 was 'Reflex seemed like a
good idea at the time.' I'm just pleased that Darren and Terri dragged
me kicking and screaming from the dancefloor when they did. Today is
now bearable.

The official party was held at Wokefield Park, which is a dedicated conference facility, with hotel and restaurant etc. The day consisted of numerous seminars about the projects we are working on. For me it was quite interesting as until then I didn't have a clue what we do. I just count the beans.

It is nice to discover that some people do have personality's, but when Engineers get started on talking about concrete struts and piling, my eyes start to glaze over.

A funny (at the time) story that i will recount is from one of out Project Managers. He'd been given a new project to work on ICT's. An area of business that he'd never worked in. His Brothers advice was to be careful of TLA's. The PM didn't have a clue what this meant, but didn't want to embarrass himself by asking his brother what TLA meant. After a week he was still no closer to finding an answer so had to concede defeat. The answer is 'Three Letter Acronyms'. All PM's talk in acronyms.

I really like who I work with. We have a great laugh, normally at my expense. I line them up and they knock em down. You have to take it when you work with 3 girls.

I don't mind. I reckon one of the most important things in life is to be able to laugh at yourself, especially when, like me, you so readily laugh at others.

We were hit with a bit of a bombshell before dinner. The MD of our
business stream is retiring. Instead of being replaced they are moving
us into another stream and we are losing our position on the board.
Basically it leaves us a little unsure of how things are going to pan
out. Personally I'm not to fussed, a job is a job. Change is
inevitable. I won't be losing any sleep.

Poor old Darren has an obsession with Ghostbusters. Before we went
into Reflex he asked if they would play 'Ghostbusters'. I said of
course they would it's an 80's bar.

At the do last year, he pestered the DJ so badly that this year the DJ
remembered him. Luckily he'd also found a copy of 'Ghostbusters' for
this year. He either has a great memory or only does 1 gig a year.
It's probably the latter.

I remember most things about last night. I remember dancing
incessantly (including oops up, the timewarp and ghosbusters twice),
drinking copiously, hailing the tram, driving the tram, having a very
heated discussion across the tram with Mel about her having been all the
way to NYC and not seen the Empire State Building. She had in fact been
to the top, but in my stupor I 'd meant the Statue of Liberty. She
ended up ignoring me, which frankly I deserved.

Champagne Cocktails

The Shirt got an outing

The infamous pink hair straightners.

Timewarp

OOps up, co ordinated as ever.

The Project Management Director

MD does Tommy Cooper. Couldn't really take him serious

Me and My Mate Mel, not sure who I'm texting

Taxi

What I don't recall is launching a tirade of expletives at the girls
for no apparent reason. Apparently they were most put out, by my out of
character behaviour and was mortified when told in the morning. I can
only apologise.

On the drinks menu was Champagne Cocktails (brandy, sugar cube,
Angostura Bitters and iced champagne), Carling, Buck's Fizz, Red wine,
Port and Corona. Quantites unknown.

I didn't even make it into bed. When I woke up this morning, my
clothes were strewn across the room with apparent gay abandon and I was
lying on my back on top of the sheets in a cross as naked as the day I
was born. I think that sums up my 2 night Xmas party.

2004-12-16T19:20:00.000Z

Christmas Cracker Jokes.

I’ve pulled a few of late (crackers not women), so I thought we could have a competition to see who’s got the worst.

What sort of sentence would get if you broke that law of gravity?
A suspended one.

What does the headless horseman ride?
A nightmare.

What do you call just married spiders?
Newly-webs.

What happened when the ice monster ate a curry?
He blew his cool.

Where does tarzan buy his clothes?
At a jungle sale.

What’s white and fluffy and swings through the cake shop?
A meringue-utang.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I’ll deal with you later.

When do astronauts eat?
At launch time.

What fish sleep a lot?
Kippers.

What do you get when you cross a dog with a chicken?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.

And my personal favorite…….

Mrs Smithers, you have acute appendicitis.
I came here to be treated, not admired, doctor!

2004-12-15T19:20:00.000Z

The Album

Despite Milky's undoubted creative abilities, in my opinion it's all about the subject matter ;-)

2004-12-14T23:27:00.000Z

Another Entry

2004-12-14T09:43:00.000Z

Look my ' and " work. At last. Cheers Mr S-L you're a legend.

2004-12-14T09:27:00.000Z

For Briggsy

See Sinton is a Ferret.

2004-12-13T20:19:00.000Z

British Humour Apparently these are genuine clips from British Council flat tenants complaining to the Council about problems with their flats!!

1) My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3) It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

4) I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5) I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6) And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7) I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8) My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

12) 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15) Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16) Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17) I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19) Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

20) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22) I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

2004-12-13T14:30:00.000Z

I need some inspiration. I'm not in a very festive mood yet and I have 2 people to buy presents for and haven't got any ideas. Any clues on what to get my Mum and Dad?

2004-12-12T19:30:00.000Z

Digging out the old pic of me on the HMS Belfast, got me thinking that maybe these old pictures would make you smile.

What a bod

Looking incredibly smart

At the Rotunda
Ever the Sportsman
My cousin Alex and I at my 6th Birthday.

Me Dad, Me and our mate Ginge. Note that I'm the tallest.
My first day in a proper job.

Do you think this one was posed? How the hell did I get up there.
New Bike
Looking good

Mum leave me alone.
Always comfortable with the birds.
You'll go blind

Ever the patriot
How ickle?

Busted. Drinking wine on a boat cruise in Ibiza
Feed the birds
Nice outfit

Hello Sailor
Dib Dib Dib

Mum still has that dressing gown.

I told you I have an odd shaped head.
Careful
My one and only neddie lesson.

My 18th Birthday and My gran's 87th.

Grandpa Johnson (RIP) and Me
Granddad Reeves (RIP), Dad, Me and Nana Reeves (RIP)
Mum, Granny Johnson (RIP), Me and Mrs Foster (RIP)

Shame I can't remember the school I was at.

How different does my Dad look?
Alpine Legend

Crawling up the stairs has become a habit of mine.

M&D's wedding and my christening. Note that Dad has the same tie on.

Nice ick.
I promise the rash has gone.
Domestic wonder
Enjoying an Ice Cream

I love the T Shirt. Wish I still had it.

2004-12-12T18:32:00.000Z

Lots to get through again this weekend so I hope you’ve got a few minutes to give to me.

Friday

The morning was spent at Windsor Castle. Its mornings like those, that makes me appreciate being English. Not even the Jap and Yank tourists could upset me. I’ve been to the tourist attractions in years gone by, but never appreciated them as much as I did this time.

I had to convince the Aussies that 1420 was a date and not a time.

The nice guide in St. George’s Chapel, who obviously enjoyed his job and took time to explain the significances to the children. People like that make the difference.

Queen Anne’s Doll House was extravagant to say the least. You know you’re on a different level when your play house is based on Buck House and has a servant’s bathroom.

The collections of China etc. and all the opulence I can do without. What I do like is the history of all these places. To think that is actually Henry VIII armour. What needs remembering is that these castles were built for a reason. Now it’s just a tourist attraction and a glorified home for our queen. The roles of the guards, no doubt, in times gone by were significant. Now they are purely ceremonial.

We headed to Guildford to partake in Laser quest. The signs on the way into town indicated that 2 of the car parks were full and the remaining one had 5 spaces. This is why I dislike England.

Typically the Laser quest was broken and they couldn’t guarantee a time when it would be fixed. So we headed to Woking. This one wasn’t open when it was due to be so we had a bowl. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that all the staff were really helpful and full of information, so I’ll leave it at that.

I hate those test your strength machines. Displays of machismo are so not me. Luckily no one else was about and the Laser quest guys were arsing about so much Big Steve, Lucas and I indulged in a friendly competition.

Lucas got a credible 40 lbs considering he’s only 10 and could hardly reach the punch bag.

Both Big Steve and I got to 210 lbs, which I was impressed with anyway.

When we eventually started the Laser quest we had some fun. Lucas managed a minus score which is quite an achievement. He was most upset that everyone kept shooting him while he was trying to tie his shoelace. Problem was he managed to pick the most indiscreet place to do his tying. Every time he was shot he would remonstrate, then have to restart the tying process. In the meantime his 5 seconds was up and he was reactivated which closely followed with him being shot again.

Can’t believe Big Steve beat me.

I made the effort to watch Fighting Talk. Although still funny it doesn’t make great TV.

Saturday

Before

After.

25 years on and I still couldn’t afford the 20p to fire the gun.

Travelled up to London to move the family into there hotel and spend the day with her brother, sister in law, sister in laws mother and there 3 kids.

Picture the scene 3 Aussie kids, 1 Scottish/Aussie GM, me and 5 suitcases. On arrival at Clapham Junction the nearest door was out of order. So a charge up the carriage was called for. The 1st door I took at a run, unfortunately I was holding the suitcase the wrong way round so rebounded about 10 feet.

I showed great bouncebackability and not to be deterred I headed for the next door. I didn’t have a free hand to press the button, so envisaged seeing my Aussie relatives disappearing down the platform. My only option was to stick my leg out. My bad leg!

Having dropped the suitcases off at the hotel, we walked up passed Buck House and then up to Westminster.

We picked a good time to visit London. I much prefer the slight chill to the maddening crowds. There’s no better city in the world.

Next stop was HMS Belfast. I was a little disappointed that the gun (above) has gone, but I guess it’s understandable after 25 years.

It’s hard to imagine the life of a sailor during the war. Not only living in cramped conditions, but all that whilst the Bosch are trying to blow you out of the water.

Not sure about the paint job.

Nose to Nose with the chef.

During the war, my great grandfather was killed here.

Have I ever told you the story? If not and you’ve got an hour of your life spare then give me a call and I’ll talk you through it.

We then went to do the Tower Bridge experience. This involved a lift to the top of the North Tower and then an exhibition across the top of the bridge. I found it quite interesting. It’s very different to Sydney Harbour Bridge, but for me at least as impressive.

Tower Bridge

To the East

To the West

To the North west, including the Gherkin.

This’ll be similar to the view that the Luftwaffe had when they killed my great granddad.

Revelation of the day would have to be that my GM bought me a picture as a wedding present, but never got round to sending it so it’s hanging up in her house in Kingaroy. Apparently she’s also bought me binoculars as a birthday present one year, but Lucas has inherited them.

The kids seemed really impressed that I played football. Then they realised that it was there soccer and not Rugby League.

“Daddy, I can see that he’s breathing.” Kid’s don’t you just love me.

Taxi passed Waterloo station. Eleanor piped up with this gem. “So is that where the battle of Waterloo was?”

After lunch it was back to the hotel to check in. They didn’t have any 4 bed rooms left so the family were put into a suite.

What’s that one for?

The Ferrets had lost 6 league games in a row and then they win when I’m not there.

“I’m not claustrophobic, but I don’t like small spaces.” Must be up there for quote of the week. Shame I can’t remember who said it.

Next on the agenda was a trip to Hampton Court for an hour’s ice skating on the temporary outdoors skating rink.

Bloo – “When’s the next train to Hampton Court?”
Guard – “16.03”
Bloo – “How long does it take to get there?”
Guard – “27 minutes.”
Bloo – “Can you be more precise?”

As ever with England there were too many people trying to make use of a good idea. The ice appeared to be in really bad shape with holes all over it and very slushy from far too much use. There were too many useless skaters (of which I consider myself in the top percentage). Then you get the skaters who aren’t quite so useless and spend there whole time weaving in and out of the useless ones and causing total carnage. As ever the organisation of the skate collection was total chaos. These were my first impressions.

Actually the skating was okay once on the ice. Normally after not skating for a long time I spend 55 minutes doing my best Bambi on Ice impression, however tonight was different. Still can’t land the toe loop or triple Lutz.

All the hassle in the build up, made what should have been a pleasurable, perhaps romantic (in the right circumstances) experience into just an enjoyable. Still the kids loved it and that’s what matters.

On another topic. I can’t imagine asking a girl out on a date and hoping that she’ll be impressed with being sat in traffic waiting to go bowling or clubbing or to the movies, or ice skating with a load of chavs or taking her to area of so called beauty that is over crowded and over rated and pales into mediocrity when compared to you know where.

Poor old Erin is an obsessive compulsive. I’d say that I’m borderline obsessive compulsive. Instinctively over dinner I found myself lining up the crackers in an organised manner. Fortunately there were 6 crackers 3 red and 3 green. So they either have to go red, green, red, green, red, green or red, red, red, green, green, green.

I could see Erin watching me intently so I played a little game. It didn’t take her long to reach across and put the crackers in a more acceptable sequence. She then made sure all the cutlery was in line on the chequered table cloth.

Unacceptable

Acceptable

Even Better

Lady on the next table complaining. “My steak just weren’t cooked proper. It just ain’t worth my baby’s life.” You know the accent.

I wish I had a brother or sister, because then I could claim this story as my own. This comes courtesy of another conversation that I overheard on the next table. Basically he used to share a bedroom with his brother. They used to play the tidy up game. This involved his brother shining a torch on an item in the bedroom and this guy had to put it away. That’s classy.

Bloo’s menu

The obligatory phone shots on the train.

Erin

MT

Eleanor, can we have more cheese please.

Carol and Lucas.

I arrived back at Fleet station at 20.30 and was in the Emporium for 20.45 having been home, donning my Jaxx gear whilst the taxi was waiting.

I’ve developed a bit of a bloke’s mentality when it comes to dealing with things that I’m thinking about things that are starting to confuse me. It’s not always such a bad idea to put things on a back burner. Not everything needs to or can be dealt with there and then. Things always seem better after a night out anyway.

Sometimes girls know the right questions to ask and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes the bloke’s way is best. Ask nothing. I've always thought that a problem shared is a problem halved; now I’m reconsidering.

It’s called a dance floor for a reason and I’m not it.

Never seen Char not sipping like a pigeon. Saturday night she was swigging pints. It was good to see.

After 3 nights on the sofa, it’s good to be back in my own bed.

Sunday

Another Sunday and another 10.30 kick off. The now ritual prematch meal of anadin and bacon sarnies was put to good use.

We were playing the 3rd placed Pegasus side, which represented my sternest test since restarting my football career. Independiente have never beaten Pegasus and they qualify as our bogey side. All was going well at 2-0 up after 8 minutes.

At this point I was heard to say to ‘Dirty Steve’, “How have you ever lost to this lot, they’re sh1t.” We subsequently spent the next 80 minutes defending our 18 yard box.

Our defence was only breached just after half time. Pegasus attacked down the left wing, when our goalie uttered “Don’t worry lads. He hasn’t got a left foot.” You guessed it. He pinged over a beautiful left footed cross, picking out the centre forward who converted an easy chance.

So a Ferret win, a Spurs win and an Independiente win constitutes a good weekend.

2004-12-09T21:00:00.000Z

So most of you may have read that Yeading have been drawn at home in the 3rd round of the FA Cup to the mighty Newcastle United. That's not the big game. The big game occurs 5 days prior when Yeading come to the mighty Ferrets in the 3rd Round of the Bryco Cup.

My boss asked me the other day, if I enjoy working where I do. Let me think? I'm told to let the girls do the work and just support them. They happily get on with it, know what they're doing and a well motivated. We have a laugh (normally at my expense), we have a joke, we chat, we get on really well and even meet all our deadlines. They bring me crumpets for my breakfast. It's fair to say I've had worse jobs, even if I do feel like a fraud sometimes. It could only be improved if it was in another country and outdoors coaching sports, but other than that I enjoy it.

Some people are so ignorant. I think I have good manners (mostly). Shopping etiquette for example. When there is a blockage in an aisle and someone stops to let me through, I hurry on by and thank them. When I wait for someone, they dawdle along, totally oblivious to there surroundings and ignore me.

Plans for the weekend. Day off friday so take the Aussie kids to Laserquest (hopefully). Get blotto with Big Steve tomorrow night, Char (not the handbrake, sorry) is off playing with girlie friends (Virgin V party or something). Sat consists of dropping GM and kids off at hotel in London and then Ice Skating at Hampton Court followed by din dins. I'm missing the ferrets game and no I don't feel unwell. Sunday's big game is Independiente Reserves v Pegasus. 5th plays 3rd as the push for silverware continues. Then back to the grindstone on Monday.

2004-12-09T19:31:00.000Z

So tell me, when does a 30 mile journey take 6.5 hours?

When you live in a stoopid country.

Let me start at the beginning.

This morning should have seen 2 arrivals from Australasia, at Heathrow's Terminal 3 within a couple of hours of each other. I was tasked with the collection of said arrivals, so was on the road at 4.20.

I really don't mind the early mornings. For me it's the best time of day. Not just because it only took me 20 minutes to get to Heathrow, but also it gives you an opportunity to England without all the hustle and bustle.

I even got to see some aminals. Wabbits, deers, and foxes.

The wabbits remind me of NZ. I know it's a tenuous link, but I'll take anything I can get.

More specifically the wabbits got me thinking of Eric.

'Oh, look that ones washing it's face.'

'Bang!'

'and now it's not.'

Then I got to the M25, but not even the roadworks there could slow my progress. They're widening this section of motorway again. They seem to be forever widening this section of Motorway. They are serial wideners. Not content with your 4 lanes in each direction, they are now going for 5 and no doubt after a couple more years it'll be 6 lanes. Be warned one day there will be nothing on earth but the M25 and still it'll be congested and still they'll be looking to widen it.

I digress. You'll have to forgive me. I am very tired.

They are going great guns with Terminal 5. Even in the 3 weeks since my last visit, the progress is clearly apparent. That's a good thing, because it makes it easier to get out of this place.

All in all 20 minutes after leaving Fleet I had arrived at Terminal 3 and was awaiting Briggsy's arrival.

The paparazzi were out in force. Not for Briggsy, but for Vic Reeves, Paul Burrell and some of those other prats from that jungle programme. Interesting to people who give a toss, but not to me. I had my camera with me and didn't take any pics of them.

Meeting at airports has always evoked some kind of emotion within. Save for a couple of meets with my M&D and Big Steve, I always turned up at airports with no one to greet me. I quite enjoyed the time on my own. It gave me great opportunities to people watch, but it's always nicer to have someone at the other end.

Our reacquaintance was nothing like 'Love Actually'. There was no vaulting over barriers and leaping into each other arms (my leg still hurts from kicking the quick one), but it was nice. What I'm trying to say is that I'm pleased it was me she asked to collect her.

The conversation started with

'Morning Miserable Twat.'

'Morning Panda Eyes.'

It was really from here that the day started to go downhill. We had an hour to wait until my godmother and kids arrived, so found a booth, ordered hot chocolate and OJ and started talking and talking and talking.

The hour went quickly and soon my Mum was on the phone asking for an update on my GM's arrival. It was due in a 6.40 and the arrival board still indicated that, but with no expected time next to it.

I went to the information desk, who informed me that the flight had been cancelled and could offer no help as to whether GM was on a different plane or whether there was any chance of her arriving at all. I was directed to the Aviance desk, contractor for Royal Brunei.

They were about as useful as a chocolate fire guard.

Bloo - 'I've been told that the Royal Brunei flight has been cancelled.'

Aviance Rep - 'All I know is that it's gone technical'

Bloo - 'What does that mean? Has it left Dubai, or have they been transferred to another flight?'

Aviance Rep - 'I don't know, you'll have to wait for a Royal Brunei Rep to come and help you. They'll be here at 7.30.'

Bloo - 'Have you got a number I can ring?'

Aviance Rep - 'You'll have to wait for the Royal Brunei Rep.'

Useful. 7.30 came and went and by 7.45 I figured that there no chance of the plane arriving and I still had delusions that I could make it to work on time. I left the detective work to my Dad and headed for Briggsy's home, with work still a possibility.

All was going swimmingly until we hit the A3 and it was choka. We laughed at the cars reversing down the sliproad (not anymore), not realising the enormity of the delays ahead.

At this stage I phoned my boss and said that I was likely to be a little late. After asking where I was, she informed me that I would be lucky to get to work in time for tomorrow morning due to a large crash at Tolworth. A days holiday was negogiated. Lucky I got my accounts done early.

Upon turning off Linkin Park and tuning in to the local radio station our suspicions were confirmed. 2 lorries and a van in collision. 1 dead, 1 woman still trapped and a million people late for work.

Spoke to my Dad about my problems and he informed me that GM and kids had been transferred to a flight that now arrives in Gatwick at 11.40. So M&D went off and collected them by train.

The 2 or 3 miles to Tolworth took 6 hours, no joke. We had no chance of turning back. I think we made the most of it.

Milky, you have no comprehension of what this is like. I wish I didn't.

I reviewed my wonderful photo album. Thanks Milky it's sensational. I got a peak at Eric/The Tanners gift to Briggsy. How thoughtful was that? Thanks for my Xmas Dec, Milky's Mum, it'll take pride of place.

What else did we do? Headbanged. I had to pee so bad that I went down the embankment, probably not far enough down for everyone's taste. When I got back the traffic hadn't moved. We had a very poor attempt at playing eye spy. I yearned for a trolley servive and lo and behold one appeared. Actually I think the Waitrose truck had just run out of petrol. I had a lesson in working out which is the dominant horse in a field. And we talked some more.

I had to feel for Briggsy. After 30 hours (or so) travelling all you want is your home comforts and here she was stuck in a miserable traffic jam, in a miserable country, in a miserable car, with a miserable twat.

To put our epic road trip into perspective, we'd travelled 30 miles in 6.5 hours. On Monday Briggsy drove 500 kms from Wellington to Cedar Lodge in 6.5 hours. Talk about stark contrasts. Mind you there's no one I'd rather spend 6.5 hours with.

2004-12-09T17:53:00.000Z

Briggsy's and Bloo's Epic Road Trip

Here's the pics's I'll fill in the gaps later.

Brake Lights

Gob Smacked

Now who's laughing last?

Thanks Milky

I think we noticed that

Trolley Service

Great Company

2004-12-06T21:14:00.000Z

So I was thinking. This is what I was doing this time last year

Good times

2004-12-06T15:24:00.000Z

I've added a link to the Independiente website on the left.

2004-12-06T11:25:00.000Z

Got a really sore leg today. Can't work out if its from practising my football skills with a bowling ball or from kicking the quick lad yesterday (he kicked me back).

Don't you just love power cuts. Friday afternoon all the power went off in West Byfleet. This meant we couldn't do a thing so got to go home at 4.45. Still took me over an hour to get home coz the traffic lights in town were out too.

2004-12-05T19:20:00.000Z

I took that picture as well.

2004-12-05T14:39:00.000Z

AFC Wimbledon lost there unbeaten run yesterday. They were beaten 2-0 at Cray. There first defeat in 79 league games.

Heard this on the radio this morning. Worrying the stupidity of some people isn't it?

Plastic explosives were mistakenly loaded onto a plane at a Paris airport after security officials lost track of it during an exercise, police say.
Around 150 grams (about five ounces) of explosive were slipped into the bag of a passenger during sniffer dog training at Paris Charles de Gaulle airport.

The bag ended up on one of 90 flights leaving at the time, and police are now trying to track it down.

They stress the explosive is "no more dangerous than a bar of chocolate".

But airlines, airports and police forces around the world have been alerted.

It was a routine exercise that went wrong. An embarrassment but not, French police insist, dangerous.

The package of explosive was put in a bag at the airport on Friday to see if police dogs could detect it.

Nasty surprise

Someone though took their eye off the ball and the baggage handler unwittingly put the bag on a plane.

Police say they do not know which plane the bag ended up on; about 90 flights were leaving the airport at the time.

PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES
Resembles putty and can be moulded by hand
Best known is Semtex, designed in Czechoslovakia
Made for landmine clearance and industrial work
Was undetectable by dogs and airport security devices
Became popular with international terrorists
It could be on an internal flight in France, or be travelling as far away as the US, Japan and Brazil.

Police insist the package of explosives is no more harmful than a chocolate bar - it has no detonator and does not react to movement, shock or even fire.

But they do concede that somewhere in the world, one of the thousands of passengers who passed through the airport will get a nasty surprise when they open their luggage.