Saturday 8th November 2003, Day 56/273 - Houston, Texas to Dallas, Texas

Congratulation to Nick D-W (H-Wsy 86/91) on the birth of his first child.  Tesni Maya was born today and weighed in at 7lb 8oz.

Happy Birthday Char!

Is it really a year ago that I walked into the Brit was confronted by Andy File who said "Where's that lovely wife of yours?"

"We've separated mate"

The next thing I knew I had a double JD in my hand and I just woke up in Texas.

I should warn you that I am about to share my feelings with you, so if you don't want to see them please look away now. Normal service will be resumed shortly. I've never been the best at displaying or expressing my emotions.  In fact I'm probably the worst, so when I'm on a roll bare with me.

Firstly I should tell you how I ended up in the Brittannia public house in Dover, one Friday in November. Basically it's tradition that each remembrance weekend all the Dukie Old Boys have a reunion. I left the school in 1991 having rather fallen out of love with the place.  That was  until a few years ago when I found a small web community that rekindled my desire for the place or more precisely the people it produced.

I had missed the previous gathering in the July due to a hangover (her's not mine) and with the breakdown of my marriage I was determined not to miss the opportunity to seek solace with my friends and have a bloody good time to boot. I had told no one I was coming. I just bunked of work early and booked myself in to the Travel Inn on the Folkestone Road. From there I walked into town and into the Brit, not entirely sure who I would meet, but I was sure that it would be a friendly face. What followed was a drunken weekend and the spawning of the nickname 'BLOOBUOY'.

For me, and I don't think I'm being too dramatic here, that weekend was a turning point in my life and what followed has been a rollercoaster of a year, involving copious amounts of lager and JD plus a lot of life changing events. That weekend was my first trip back to school alone. Every other year I'd taken Nikki and it made me realise just how much I had missed out on, by neglecting friendships and focusing my attentions in one direction. It also made me appreciate the friends I have.  Everyone stuck by me and showed me support. In adversity you find perspective and the people who really care for you and matter. Everyone who is reading this now has genuinely played a part in me getting back on track and keeping my cheese firmly on my cracker (for the most part).

The forum, my work mates and other friends have all acted as counsellors, although maybe not always realising. All have been superb and I really shouldn't single anyone out, but I'm gonna anyway. I met Big Steve at work. He worked next to me and when he found out about my impending divorce he pestered me and pestered me about coming out with him and his mates. Now I wasn't much of a drinker back then, but we soon changed all that. Every weekend he'd ask me and eventually every weekend we'd go out. We had many a drunken conversation, putting the world to rights and met for lunch regularly (normally in a bar) with his girlfriend, Char.

I asked Big Steve what he was doing for New Year this year.  After a couple of E mails and within a couple of days he'd booked his flight to Denver. What do they say - "Actions speak louder than words". Having said that I'm not sure if he's coming out to see me or Hooters. It is unfair of me to single one person out so I'd better stop or else his head will be getting as big as his belly.

I think most people who have got to know me recently would probably say that I wasn't serious enough to be married. I think Nikki would say that I was too serious. The truth is that I never looked on marriage as a game and knew exactly what I was getting myself into. I'm not proud when I tell people that I'm divorced, not because of some weird sense of loyalty to my ex, but because divorce was not the way it was all supposed to work out. After divorce has been decided, you've only got one option and that's to move on and see what life has in store for you, but it means you know so much more and are better prepared.

The forum and friends intially and laterly travel and this blog have acted as therapy for me. I think alot of the time I gave the impression I was coping or didn't care about the situation. It's not until I've come away that I realise just what an impact it made. I can only apologise for my actions in the past and I mean when I was married.

It was the forum who egged me on to come out here and I thank them for that. Your E mails help me along the way, even the abusive ones. At least it shows you've thought.

Although fundamentally I'm the same person I was a year ago I've notice some big changes in myself. Notably I've got the weed out of my ass. Maybe my problems aren't as bad as others, but i've looked on my year as a huge plus. A year of firsts for me. I mean who couldn't come out of this a better person, with friends like all of you.

Sorry about all that people. I didn't mean to get all slushy, but I guess that that is the purpose of this trip.

Talking of the trip let me tell you what I got up to today. I woke up early at 7.30 feeling a little jaded for a few reasons.

1. It's 7.30 in the morning.
2. I'd had a late night and 1 to many beers.
3. I've got a sore throat.
4. I should be in Dover.
5. I'm a bit travel sick.

That's sick of travelling. I'm sure it's only temporary, but I seem to be forever waiting for a bus. I'm sure everyone suffers from it and I just need a break. Also when I was walking to the terminal some bloke thought I looked like a boy scout. He didn't help my mood much.

Anyway while you guys were having a ball in the Castle, I was on a Greyhound to Dallas, where else would i be. I arrived in Dallas at 15.45 and booked myself in to the Ramada Plaza as there are no hostels in Dallas. I got a good deal through Expedia @ $50 a night as opposed the normal $149.99, but that's the 3rd way that I've spent my earnings. At least I got my first bath since Chicago.