Tuesday 4th May 2004, Day 234/366 - Melbourne, Australia.

Aldershot Legend

Read book number 21. The Bodyguards story, by Trevor Rees-Jones. It provides a detailed account of the month running up to the Paris car crash that killed Diana. It's a one sided story, but I guess we'll never know what really happened. I sceptical about reading it, but I found it rivetting. It was interesting about the media. They reported that his tongue had been ripped out in the crash. It never had, but it didn't stop an American company sending him talking computer to help him speak. The detail they go into on his face surgery, is gorey yet fascinating.

When I got in yesterday afternoon I had a very nice phone conversation with Ian McDonald (Aldershot Legend). I used to work with his wife, Glennis, at Marks and Spencer. It was a long time ago and my Mum gave me there number. She'd worked with Glennis for a long time.

It's always weird phoning someone up who you don't think will remember you.

"Hi Ian. This is Stuart Reeves, I used to work with Glennis and I'm not really sure why I calling, but I am in Christchurch at the moment."

I had thought that maybe we could meet up for beer, but as it turns out they are coming over to pick me up to stay at there place for a few days. I was just wondering when I left Christchurch the other day when the next time I would see a friendly face now. I guess I know now.

Last night was the Neighbours 'Meet the Stars' do for $35. They come out and pick you up from the hostels and take you out to an English pub in St Kilda that's full of young English Backpackers.

I have to say that I felt totally underdressed, bloody vain people. How do they fit it all into there backpacks and why do they bother? There is a fantastic ration of girls to boys. I've just got to impress them with my neighbours knowledge. No chance there then. There's also far too many feminine blokes.

The stars tonight are Doctor Carl Kennedy, some bloke who was runner up in the Australian Big Brother and a special guest appearance all the way from Summer By in Alf Ramsey (legend).

All the stars came out to huge cheers and screams (not mine). They were asked questions that had been posed by the audience. Doctor Carl sang 'Happy Birthday' to some girl and Alf did his flaming galla act, big brother guy was a twat.

Afterwards the stars came round all the tables introducing themselves and having a million photos taken. They loved it. Meanwhile a trivia quiz is going on. We finished 6 out of 42 which I think is a very resonible effort. Had a fantastic night. It's a great way to meet people.

I managed to drop my phone in the urinal last night. It seems to be working okay, just smells a bit funny. Serves me right for trying to text and pee at the same time.

Woke up not feeling my best this morning. I had a couple of poached eggs and they seemed to sort me out.

I'm very embarrassed to be reading Harry Potter, but I want to find out what all the hype was about. I feel like a kid as opposed to the sophisticated individual that I clearly am.

Ian and Glennis came and picked me up in the morning. They've been out here for a couple of months. Ian has come out here to run a football academy. Glennis has taken a sabatical from M&S and is a lady of leisure at the moment. They're borrowing a house from one of the students families and I am the first guest, hence we had to go out and buy me some bedding.

They are living out in Altona Meadows, a suburb to the west of Melbourne. I have never seen anything like the house they are borrowing. OMG. I had been warned, but nothing could prepare me for what I saw. I've never encountered such alot of 70's tat all in one place, except maybe graceland.

There's a tiled mirror wall, you have the living that clearly can't be lived in, there's pink coving in every room, they have shrines to Mary and Jesus in the living room, the're photo's of millions of relatives (I guess), but they look more like victims that are buried under the patio. In the back garden there is another Mary shrine that lights up automatically at 8 pm. There's also a stuffed possum and duck on the patio. The bathroom has a low level window right next to the bath that has a beautiful view of the park. There's a twin tub washing machine. What a palavour that is. I'd rather buy new clothes and burn my old ones than go through that every time. Luckily Glennis is an expert. Thanks. Other favorites are the ancient TV's with no comfy chairs to sit in, the owner has left his false teeth by the kitchen sink, the see through toilet seat and fluffy toilet roll tidy in the shape of a woman. There's plastic flowers everywhere. They must have got a job lot on the light fittings, they are all brown tinted glass dangly thingys. There's a four foot cross stitch of Jesus carrying the cross in the main bedroom and a giant set of rosary beads in my room. There are loads of crosses that either light up or play a tune or something.

I've never seen such an impractical house to live in. Poor old Glennis is tearing her hair out. I just laughed and took about 50 photo's.

In the evening we went to the training ground in Richmond. As with all football clubs they are arguing with the former club, the council and each other so had to do the training down the swimming pool.

I had intended to leave on Thursday for Canberra, but I've the promise of football games at the weekend so I can check out what Macca has on his hands.

Has anybody ever seen Canoe Water Polo? Crazy B@stards.